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My advice: Just keep movin' straight ahead. Every now and then you find yourself in a different place.

George Carlin

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George Carlin
Age: 71 †
Born: 1937
Born: May 12
Died: 2008
Died: June 22
Actor
Comedian
Composer
Film Actor
Film Producer
Humorist
Journalist
Manufacturer
Radio Personality
Screenwriter
Stand-Up Comedian
New York City
New York
George Denis Patrick Carlin
Every
Persistence
Ahead
Straight
Advice
Keep
Place
Find
Different
Movin

More quotes by George Carlin

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In most polls there are always about 5 percent of the people who 'don't know.' What isn't generally understood is that it's the same people in every poll.
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By the age of six or seven, I was already doing voices and faces, making my friends and my mother laugh.
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There is nothing wrong with the planet. The planet is fine ... been here 4 1/2 billion years. We've been here, what, a 100,000 years, maybe 200,000. And we've only been engaged in heavy industry a little over 200 years. 200 years versus 4 1/2 billion. And we have the conceit to think that somehow we're a threat? The planet isn't going away. We are.
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I believe you can joke about anything.
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Do you remember Barbara Bush? I call her the silver douchebag.
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There's this man who lives in the sky, and he has ten things he doesn't want you to do, and you'll burn for a long time if you do them. But he loves you.
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I'm completely in favor of the separation of Church and State. My idea is that these two institutions screw us up enough on their own, so both of them together is certain death.
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I profess no belief in God, which by definition is true, especially if we take the accepted definition of God. But to be an atheist is to also have a belief, and have a system, and I don't know that I like that either.
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The following statement is true. The previous statement is false.
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Besides the drugs and counterculture, I started talking about myself, which is the first thing you do when you are a writer.
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I call him Governor Bush because that's the only political office he's ever held legally in this country. I don't care where they hang his portrait, I don't care how big his library is. To me, he'll always be Governor Bush. I don't even capitalize his name when I type it anymore.
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Atheism is a non-prophet organization.
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Every time you use the phrase all my life it has a different meaning.
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Life is not that complicated.
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Medical researchers have discovered a new disease that has no symptoms. It is impossible to detect, and there is no known cure. Fortunately, no cases have been reported thus far.
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I hope no one asks me to show them the ropes I have no idea where they are. Maybe I could pull some strings and find out.
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Thall shall keep thy religion to thy selves.
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I say if you're going to go for the Angel bullshit you might as well go for the Zombie package as well.
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May the forces of evil become confused on the way to your house.
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Fussy eater is a euphemism for big pain in the ass.
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