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My advice: Just keep movin' straight ahead. Every now and then you find yourself in a different place.
George Carlin
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George Carlin
Age: 71 †
Born: 1937
Born: May 12
Died: 2008
Died: June 22
Actor
Comedian
Composer
Film Actor
Film Producer
Humorist
Journalist
Manufacturer
Radio Personality
Screenwriter
Stand-Up Comedian
New York City
New York
George Denis Patrick Carlin
Every
Persistence
Ahead
Straight
Advice
Keep
Place
Find
Different
Movin
More quotes by George Carlin
I never take credit for anything, because it's mostly genetic to my way of thinking. Even the need to work hard with some genetic talent you're given - the need to go out and develop it, and push hard to bring it to people.
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Why do overlook and oversee mean opposite things?
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Men are from Earth, women are from Earth. Deal with it.
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Never get on an airplane if the pilot is wearing a hat that has more than three pastel colors.
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I call him Governor Bush because that's the only political office he's ever held legally in this country. I don't care where they hang his portrait, I don't care how big his library is. To me, he'll always be Governor Bush. I don't even capitalize his name when I type it anymore.
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Avoid people with gold teeth who want to play cards
George Carlin
Here's a phrase that apparently the airlines simply made up: near miss. They say that if 2 planes almost collide, it's a near miss. Bullshit, my friend. It's a near hit! A collision is a near miss. [WHAM! CRUNCH!] Look, they nearly missed! Yes, but not quite.
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Instead of thinking about the sex, I'd always think about the clap and the crabs those people have.
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Children are not our future, and I can prove it with my usual, flawless logic. Children can't be our future, because by the time the future arrives, they won't be children anymore, so blow me!
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Number one, one, one on wonderful WINO.
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I think it keeps the child alive in me. There's a thrill when you steal something in plain view of other people.
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I'll tell you a little secret about the Blues: it's not enough to know which notes to play, you have to know why they need to be played.
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If a word is misspelled in the dictionary, how would we ever know? If Webster wrote the first dictionary, where did he find the words? Why is 'phonics' not spelled the way it sounds? How come abbreviated is such a long word?
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Most people with low self-esteem have earned it.
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Cancer research is a growth industry.
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Religion is sort of like a lift in your shoes. If it makes you feel better, fine. Just don't ask me to wear your shoes.
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Do you think Sammy Davis ate Junior Mints?
George Carlin
By and large, language is a tool for concealing the truth.
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Writing books isn't a drastic departure from writing for the stage.
George Carlin
Life is not that complicated.
George Carlin
