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All the media and the politicians ever talk about is things that separate us, things that make us different from one another
George Carlin
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George Carlin
Age: 71 †
Born: 1937
Born: May 12
Died: 2008
Died: June 22
Actor
Comedian
Composer
Film Actor
Film Producer
Humorist
Journalist
Manufacturer
Radio Personality
Screenwriter
Stand-Up Comedian
New York City
New York
George Denis Patrick Carlin
Different
Make
Politicians
Things
Separate
Politician
Media
Talk
Another
Ever
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I kind of like it when a lot of people die, and on the other hand I always wonder how many unused frequent-flier miles they had.
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At 68 I'm every age I ever was. I always think of that. I'm not just 68. I'm also 55 and 21 and three. Oh especially three.
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Everyone smiles in the same language.
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Just when I discovered the meaning of life, they changed it.
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I believe my first duty is to survive. And I'm not just talking about criminals coming into my home. I once seriously considered getting a gun to protect myself from the police. If I need a weapon to continue living, I'll get one. And I'll use it.
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When you think about it, 12:15 P.M. is actually 11:75 A.M.
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Some people see things that are and ask, Why? Some people dream of things that never were and ask, Why not? Some people have to go to work and don't have time for all that.
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When it comes to bullshit...bigtime, major league bullshit...you have to stand in awe of the all-time champion of false promises and exaggerated claims...religion.
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Life is not that complicated.
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Just think, right now as you read this, some guy somewhere is gettin' ready to hang himself.
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I recently went to a new doctor and noticed he was located in something called the Professional Building. I felt better right away.
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It's legal for men to be floorwalkers and illegal for women to be streetwalkers.
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I believe myself to be a worthwhile and inventive performer in my own right. [And] I want to be known for what I do best.
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There are two types of people: One strives to control his environment, the other strives not to let his environment control him. I like to control my environment, because I feel if I have my physical space in order, then I'm free to dream.
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I never worry that all hell will break loose. My concern is that only part of hell will break loose and be much harder to detect.
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On Thanksgiving, you realize you're living in a modern world. Millions of turkeys baste themselves in millions of ovens that clean themselves.
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A crazy person doesn't really lose his mind. It just becomes something more entertaining.
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I think we overrate ourselves in terms of our abilities and capacities. I mean, just because you can build a really swell bridge doesn't, to my way of thinking, mean that you're an advanced civilization.
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I was thinking about how people seem to read the Bible a whole lot more as they get older then it dawned on me . . they’re cramming for their final exam.
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