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All the media and the politicians ever talk about is things that separate us, things that make us different from one another

George Carlin

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George Carlin
Age: 71 †
Born: 1937
Born: May 12
Died: 2008
Died: June 22
Actor
Comedian
Composer
Film Actor
Film Producer
Humorist
Journalist
Manufacturer
Radio Personality
Screenwriter
Stand-Up Comedian
New York City
New York
George Denis Patrick Carlin
Make
Politicians
Things
Separate
Politician
Media
Talk
Another
Ever
Different

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Beethoven was so hard of hearing, he thought he was a painter.
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I sort of gave up on this whole human adventure a long time ago, divorced myself from it emotionally. It gives me an artistic detachment that I find valuable. I think the human race has squandered its gift, and I think this country has squandered its promise, for the sake of cell phones and Jet Skis.
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Don't confuse my point of view with cynicism. The real cynics are the ones who tell you that everything's gonna be all right.
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There are three kinds of people: those who can count, and those who cannot.
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I've never owned a telescope, but it's something I'm thinking of looking into.
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Hallucinogens are a value changer...like it or not, it changes your values, it opens up windows (doors of perception.)
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Religion is just mind control.
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The mayfly lives only one day. And sometimes it rains.
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My left descending septal branch artery decided to close without consultation with any of my other organs. It happened on Saint Patrick's Day, 1978.
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What occurs as you age is an accumulation of information, data, knowledge, and what I'm going to call the matrix of the mind. There's just a rich, textured, field of information and impressions that have been all networked by the brain.
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Personally, emotionally, I'd rather divorce myself from the world than face the heartbreak of partial success. Because partial success implies overwhelming failure.
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I think the warning labels on alcoholic beverages are too bland. They should be more vivid. Here is one I would suggest: Alcohol will turn you into the same asshole your father was.
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Some people have no idea what they're doing, and a lot of them are really good at it.
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I thought about how mothers feed their babies with tiny little spoons and forks so I wondered, what do Chinese mothers use? Toothpicks?
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There are an awful lot of things in the cut of street drugs that eventually make you sick. I reached a point where the skin around the edges of my fingernails used to hurt all the time. And it would peel away easily. Now, that must have been from some poison in the cut.
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People always tell me Have a nice day. Well what if I don't want to? What if I want to have a crappy day?
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I'll tell you a little secret about the Blues: it's not enough to know which notes to play, you have to know why they need to be played.
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One philosopher has rightly said that property is theft. But I'd like to use my future ownership of property to give something back.
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At best, God can be viewed as nothing more than an uncaring incompetent father-figure
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Don't sweat the petty things and don't pet the sweaty things.
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