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All the media and the politicians ever talk about is things that separate us, things that make us different from one another

George Carlin

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George Carlin
Age: 71 †
Born: 1937
Born: May 12
Died: 2008
Died: June 22
Actor
Comedian
Composer
Film Actor
Film Producer
Humorist
Journalist
Manufacturer
Radio Personality
Screenwriter
Stand-Up Comedian
New York City
New York
George Denis Patrick Carlin
Media
Talk
Another
Ever
Different
Make
Politicians
Things
Separate
Politician

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If God is all powerful, can He make a stone so big that He Himself can't lift it?
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We created god in our own image and likeness!
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The whole problem with the world today: private property. If no one owned anything, it would be a lot better. There's even an entire industry devoted to keeping an eye on other people's stuff. This is how stupid it's got. If you decide to get rid of a lot of your stuff, you can give it to a thrift shop or to Goodwill.
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I'm not collegial, I don't hang out. I'm soloist, I like my solitude, I don't really hang around with comedians.
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Baby boomers helped me a great deal in my career. They launched me. They were there for me to sing my song to. And I'm not saying I'm better than anyone, but I think they turned that anti-authority baby boom mentality into their own enemy. Now I identify very closely with their children.
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There is a planet named Pluto, but we don't have one named Goofy. Goofy would be a good name for this planet. It certainly qualifies.
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Picture your grandmother in Hell, baking pies... without an oven.
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Besides the drugs and counterculture, I started talking about myself, which is the first thing you do when you are a writer.
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To me, smoking pot meant sitting with a newspaper on my legs, rolling the seeds down, pulling the twigs out and finally producing a perfectly cylindrical, absolutely wonderful joint that you either locked at both ends or pinched off, or pinched at one end and left open at the other.
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There was about a two-year period at the end of the '60s, when I realized I was in the wrong place and entertaining the wrong people with the wrong material and that I was not being true to myself. I went through a metamorphosis into something more authentic for me, a more authentic stage voice and writing voice.
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If you nail a tool shed closed, how do you put the hammer away?
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I think I am, therefore, I am... I think.
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Language always gives you away.
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A lot of times when they catch a guy who killed twenty-seven people, they say, He was a loner. Well, of course he was a loner he killed everyone he came in contact with.
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Rhetoric paints with a broad brush.
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I'm thinking of buying a church and changing it around: maybe selling crack and having a few whores in the pew.
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There may or may not be atheists in foxholes, but I'm certain there are none in the Ku Klux Klan.
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Give now. Somewhere, someone feels crappy. You can help.
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I think TV remotes should have a button that allows you to kill the person on the screen.
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You never see a smiling runner.
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