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All the media and the politicians ever talk about is things that separate us, things that make us different from one another

George Carlin

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George Carlin
Age: 71 †
Born: 1937
Born: May 12
Died: 2008
Died: June 22
Actor
Comedian
Composer
Film Actor
Film Producer
Humorist
Journalist
Manufacturer
Radio Personality
Screenwriter
Stand-Up Comedian
New York City
New York
George Denis Patrick Carlin
Things
Separate
Politician
Media
Talk
Another
Ever
Different
Make
Politicians

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On Thanksgiving, you realize you're living in a modern world. Millions of turkeys baste themselves in millions of ovens that clean themselves.
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If the shoe fits, buy another one just like it.
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Rhetoric paints with a broad brush.
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If a word is misspelled in the dictionary, how would we ever know? If Webster wrote the first dictionary, where did he find the words? Why is 'phonics' not spelled the way it sounds? How come abbreviated is such a long word?
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Results like these [state of the earth] do not belong on the resumé of a supreme being.
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Personally, emotionally, I'd rather divorce myself from the world than face the heartbreak of partial success. Because partial success implies overwhelming failure.
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I think it's the duty of the comedian to find out where the line is drawn and cross it deliberately.
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There's a thrill when you steal something in plain view of other people. When you drop a newspaper over a sign and walk away with it, or take something off a wall and the sound of the glue ripping makes people turn around. Your heart is racing, it's a rush.
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Have you ever started a path? No one seems willing to do this. We don't mind using existing paths, but we rarely start new ones. Do it today. Start a path. Even if it doesn't lead anywhere
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Republicans have been trying to get people to work for no pay for a long time.
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Atheism is a non-prophet organization.
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Why do overlook and oversee mean opposite things?
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I think of myself as an entertainer: I'm a performing entertainer, I'm a stand-up comic. But there's an artist at work here, too. One who interprets his world through his own filter.
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As far as I'm concerned, humans have not yet come up with a belief that's worth believing.
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I was once dancing with a woman who told me she had a yeast infection so I told her to bake me some bread.
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Praying is begging for an unseen deity to alter the laws of nature for someone admittedly unworthy.
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If work is so terrific, how come they have to pay you to do it?
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