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Why do 'slow down' and 'slow up' mean the same thing? Why is the third hand on the watch called the second hand?
George Carlin
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George Carlin
Age: 71 †
Born: 1937
Born: May 12
Died: 2008
Died: June 22
Actor
Comedian
Composer
Film Actor
Film Producer
Humorist
Journalist
Manufacturer
Radio Personality
Screenwriter
Stand-Up Comedian
New York City
New York
George Denis Patrick Carlin
Time
Watches
Watch
Second
Hand
Called
Hands
Slow
Mean
Third
Thing
Thirds
More quotes by George Carlin
By elimination, dishonesty is the second-best policy.
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Irony deals with opposites it has nothing to do with coincidence.
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Before they invented drawing boards, what did they go back to?
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My father? My father left when I was quite young. Well actually, he was asked to leave. He had trouble metabolizing alcohol.
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Ever wonder about those people who spend $2 apiece on those little bottles of Evian water? Try spelling Evian backward.
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Some people have no idea what they're doing, and a lot of them are really good at it.
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Boxing is a more sophisticated form of hockey.
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In baseball the object is to go home! And to be safe! - I hope I'll be safe at home!
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Some national parks have long waiting lists for camping reservations. When you have to wait a year to sleep next to a tree, something is wrong.
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If work is so terrific, how come they have to pay you to do it?
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I'm always relieved when someone is delivering a eulogy and I realize I'm listening to it.
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It's difficult enough for a young person to put his soul on the line in front of a lot of drunken people without having that hanging over his head, too.
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Have you ever wondered why Republicans are so interested in encouraging people to volunteer in their communities? It’s because volunteers work for no pay. Republicans have been trying to get people to work for no pay for a long time.
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Catholic school gave me the tools to reject the very religion they wanted me to have. They taught me how to think for myself and to be independent.
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Why do we park on driveways and drive on parkways? Just to be silly!
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Hooray for most things!
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Life is a zero sum game.
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I am not a complete vegetarian. I eat only animals that have died in their sleep.
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The phrase surgical strike might be more acceptable if it were common practice to perform surgery with high explosives.
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Grass probably helped me as much as it hurt me. Especially as a performer.
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