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Why do 'slow down' and 'slow up' mean the same thing? Why is the third hand on the watch called the second hand?

George Carlin

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George Carlin
Age: 71 †
Born: 1937
Born: May 12
Died: 2008
Died: June 22
Actor
Comedian
Composer
Film Actor
Film Producer
Humorist
Journalist
Manufacturer
Radio Personality
Screenwriter
Stand-Up Comedian
New York City
New York
George Denis Patrick Carlin
Time
Watches
Watch
Second
Hand
Called
Hands
Slow
Mean
Third
Thing
Thirds

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As far as I'm concerned, humans have not yet come up with a belief that's worth believing.
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First I was a mimic. Practically from the moment I began talking, I did impersonations of the people in my neighborhood - the storekeepers, the policemen, my teachers.
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By the age of six or seven, I was already doing voices and faces, making my friends and my mother laugh.
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I always knew I could hold people's attention and make them laugh every 30 or 40 seconds, and I got approval and attention for that, so the behavior was reinforced. Later, that became an important skill on the street corner.
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Why do they bother saying raw sewage? Do some people actually cook that stuff?
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The mayfly lives only one day. And sometimes it rains.
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The planet isn't going anywhere. We are.
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One of the more pretentious political self-descriptions is 'Libertarian.' People think it puts them above the fray. It sounds fashionable, and to the uninitiated, faintly dangerous. Actually, it's just one more bullshit political philosophy.
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When you look at the average American you realize there's nothing nature enjoys more than a good joke.
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I went to the Missing Persons Bureau but no one was there.
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I don't have hobbies hobbies cost money. Interests are quite free.
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Religion is a self-conferred intellectual decision it's not something you get at birth and is unchangeable. You're collusive with the religion when you accept it you have a choice.
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I thought about how mothers feed their babies with tiny little spoons and forks so I wondered, what do Chinese mothers use? Toothpicks?
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Test of Metal: Will of Iron, Nerves of Steel, Heart of Gold, Balls of Brass.
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All the wrong things for all the wrong reasons. Sometimes people just want to feel different. And so long as Third World peasants are poor they will send us drugs, and as long as we are empty we will ask for this little plant.
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Being a Dodgers fan led to my first Air Force court-martial, but that's another story.
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Sometimes, when I was really loaded, I'd sit on the floor and sort out every nut and bolt in the house. It was just sheer insanity. And often there'd be speed in the cut, so I was a speed freak, too.
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What do dogs do on their day off? Can't lie around – that's their job!
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