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Why do 'slow down' and 'slow up' mean the same thing? Why is the third hand on the watch called the second hand?

George Carlin

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George Carlin
Age: 71 †
Born: 1937
Born: May 12
Died: 2008
Died: June 22
Actor
Comedian
Composer
Film Actor
Film Producer
Humorist
Journalist
Manufacturer
Radio Personality
Screenwriter
Stand-Up Comedian
New York City
New York
George Denis Patrick Carlin
Called
Hands
Slow
Mean
Third
Thing
Thirds
Time
Watches
Watch
Second
Hand

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I did a lot of thinking, and used mental activity to relieve whatever feelings I had. I became very left-brained, and I was good in school. That is, I was a smart kid.
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The whole problem with the world today: private property. If no one owned anything, it would be a lot better. There's even an entire industry devoted to keeping an eye on other people's stuff. This is how stupid it's got. If you decide to get rid of a lot of your stuff, you can give it to a thrift shop or to Goodwill.
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Somewhere in the world is a doctor who is worse than all other doctors...and someone has an appointment with him in the morning.
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Don't take guilt trips. Take a trip to the mall, to the next county, to a foreign country, but NOT to where the guilt is.
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I believe myself to be a worthwhile and inventive performer in my own right. [And] I want to be known for what I do best.
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The mayfly lives only one day. And sometimes it rains.
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I believe my first duty is to survive. And I'm not just talking about criminals coming into my home. I once seriously considered getting a gun to protect myself from the police. If I need a weapon to continue living, I'll get one. And I'll use it.
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People say life begins at conception, I say life began about a billion years ago and it's a continuous process.
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People who ask Can I ask you a question? Didn't really give me a choice, did ya there buddy?
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I remember when I was a kid I used to come home from Sunday School and my mother would get drunk and try to make pancakes
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I think there's a little more attention to human needs than to property rights. But I don't think much of political activism. It's so shortsighted. Most people are interested in their own personal comfort. I've said that about environmentalists. I think they care about bike paths and places to park their Volvos, not the planet as an abstraction.
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But then you turn 30. Oooohh, what happened there? Makes you sound like bad milk! He TURNED we had to throw him out. There's no fun now, you're Just a sour-dumpling. What's wrong? What's changed?
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If you love someone set them free. If they come back, set them on fire.
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I recently went to a new doctor and noticed he was located in something called the Professional Building. I felt better right away.
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Everyone should try to scratch their name on the bomb of life.
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The sicker you get, the harder it is to remember if you took your medicine.
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If work is so terrific, how come they have to pay you to do it?
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To me, smoking pot meant sitting with a newspaper on my legs, rolling the seeds down, pulling the twigs out and finally producing a perfectly cylindrical, absolutely wonderful joint that you either locked at both ends or pinched off, or pinched at one end and left open at the other.
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If drumsticks are for playing drums, you would think that breadsticks would be for playing bread, wouldn't you? Would you like some breadsticks? No, thank you, I don't play bread. I play drums. Perhaps I'll have a drum roll.
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The New Testament is not new anymore' it's thousands of years old. It's time to start calling it the Less Old Testament.
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