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Why do 'slow down' and 'slow up' mean the same thing? Why is the third hand on the watch called the second hand?

George Carlin

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George Carlin
Age: 71 †
Born: 1937
Born: May 12
Died: 2008
Died: June 22
Actor
Comedian
Composer
Film Actor
Film Producer
Humorist
Journalist
Manufacturer
Radio Personality
Screenwriter
Stand-Up Comedian
New York City
New York
George Denis Patrick Carlin
Called
Hands
Slow
Mean
Third
Thing
Thirds
Time
Watches
Watch
Second
Hand

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If you ask me, we could do with a little less motivation. - The people who are causing all the trouble seem highly motivated to me. - Serial killers, stock swindlers, drug dealers, Christian Republicans.
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Hallucinogens are a value changer...like it or not, it changes your values, it opens up windows (doors of perception.)
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If it's true that our species is alone in the universe, then I'd have to say the universe aimed rather low and settled for very little.
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When you're born you get a ticket to the freak show. When you're born in America, you get a front row seat.
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If we could just find out who's in charge, we could kill him.
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Some people have no idea what they're doing, and a lot of them are really good at it.
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The future will soon be a thing of the past.
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Thall shall keep thy religion to thy selves.
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I had no shoes, and I felt sorry for myself until I met a man who had no feet. I took his shoes. Now I feel better.
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Your dog thinks you're a god. Your cat thinks the dog's an asshole.
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You can't fight City Hall, but you can goddamn sure blow it up.
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Religion is sort of like a lift in your shoes. If it makes you feel better, fine. Just don't ask me to wear your shoes.
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And speaking of sex, the Immaculate Conception does not mean Jesus was conceived in the absence of sex. It means Mary was conceived without Original Sin. That's all it has ever meant. And according to the tabloids, Mary is apparently the only one who can make such a claim. The Jesus thing is called virgin birth.
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One of the first things they teach you in Driver's Ed is where to put your hands on the steering wheel. They tell you put 'em at ten o'clock and two o' clock. Never mind that . I put mine at 9:45 and 2:17. Gives me an extra half hour to get where I'm goin'.
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Kilometers are shorter than miles. Save gas, take your next trip in kilometers.
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I always wanted and enjoyed sex, but I never put much importance on scoring or having an athletic sex life. I guess I define myself more by my career and my commitment to a relationship than by my ability to have a lot of chicks or achieve ten orgasms in an evening.
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Dogs lead a nice life. You never see a dog with a wristwatch.
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I've never been quarantined. But the more I look around the more I think it might not be a bad idea.
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I believe my first duty is to survive. And I'm not just talking about criminals coming into my home. I once seriously considered getting a gun to protect myself from the police. If I need a weapon to continue living, I'll get one. And I'll use it.
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If this is the best God can do, I'm not impressed.
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