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Why do 'slow down' and 'slow up' mean the same thing? Why is the third hand on the watch called the second hand?
George Carlin
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George Carlin
Age: 71 †
Born: 1937
Born: May 12
Died: 2008
Died: June 22
Actor
Comedian
Composer
Film Actor
Film Producer
Humorist
Journalist
Manufacturer
Radio Personality
Screenwriter
Stand-Up Comedian
New York City
New York
George Denis Patrick Carlin
Time
Watches
Watch
Second
Hand
Called
Hands
Slow
Mean
Third
Thing
Thirds
More quotes by George Carlin
Property is theft. Nobody owns anything. When you die, it all stays here.
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Life is not that complicated.
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In Hawaii they say, aloha. That's a nice one, It means both hello and good-bye Which just goes to show, if you spend enough time in the sun you don't know whether you're coming or going.
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There's this man who lives in the sky, and he has ten things he doesn't want you to do, and you'll burn for a long time if you do them. But he loves you.
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A crazy person doesn't really lose his mind. It just becomes something more entertaining.
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Writing is really wonderful art. A lot of this is discovery. A lot of things are lying around waiting to be discovered and that's our job as writers is to just notice them and bring them to life.
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I quit school in ninth grade, even though I was good at the studies. I knew I didn't need school for what I wanted.
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Never let the brain idle. ‘An idle mind is the devil’s workshop.’ And the devil’s name is Alzheimer’s.
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When you look at the average American you realize there's nothing nature enjoys more than a good joke.
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Golf is an arrogant, elitist game that takes up entirely too much space in this country.
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Is a vegetarian permitted to eat animal crackers?
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I think it's the duty of the comedian to find out where the line is drawn and cross it deliberately.
George Carlin
Some people think that words can injure the psyche or the moral fiber. And they really can't.
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Religion cruelly exploits our need to feel connected.
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There are two types of people: One strives to control his environment, the other strives not to let his environment control him. I like to control my environment.
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I hope I'm beginning a new cycle of energy and creativity. If so, it'll really be my third career. The first was as a straight comic in the Sixties. The second was as a counterculture performer in the Seventies. The third will be...well, that's for others to judge.
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Can placebos cause side effects? If so, are the side effects real?
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I say things that can be defined as prayers. But I don't pray to a power or ask an entity to intercede in the earthly scheme, because I don't believe that happens. But if I see a really unfortunate person in the street, I do pray, yes, though I suppose it's really more like a mantra to ease my own sorrow.
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Why don't sheep shrink when it rains?
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You take 5 white guys and you take 5 black guys and put em together for a week and what you won't have is 5 blacks guys talking like, 'Golly gee, we really won that big basketball game' but you will have 5 white guys talking like 'Yo slick, whuzzup...we be shootin hoops and mad playin, slammed those mofos
George Carlin