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Why do 'slow down' and 'slow up' mean the same thing? Why is the third hand on the watch called the second hand?

George Carlin

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George Carlin
Age: 71 †
Born: 1937
Born: May 12
Died: 2008
Died: June 22
Actor
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Film Actor
Film Producer
Humorist
Journalist
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Radio Personality
Screenwriter
Stand-Up Comedian
New York City
New York
George Denis Patrick Carlin
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There is a planet named Pluto, but we don't have one named Goofy. Goofy would be a good name for this planet. It certainly qualifies.
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I don't have hobbies hobbies cost money. Interests are quite free.
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I think TV remotes should have a button that allows you to kill the person on the screen.
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The planet isn't going anywhere. We are.
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Can placebos cause side effects? If so, are the side effects real?
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At 68 I'm every age I ever was. I always think of that. I'm not just 68. I'm also 55 and 21 and three. Oh especially three.
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I'm in favor of personal growth as long as it doesn't include malignant tumors.
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One good reason to only maintain a small circle of friends is that three out of four murders are committed by people who know the victim.
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Why do we park on driveways and drive on parkways? Just to be silly!
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Here's all you have to know about men and women: women are crazy, men are stupid. And the main reason women are crazy is that men are stupid.
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I think we’re part of a greater wisdom that we will ever understand a higher order, call it what you want. Know what I call it? The Big Electron. It doesn’t punish, it doesn’t reward, it doesn’t judge at all. It just is.
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Some national parks have long waiting lists for camping reservations. When you have to wait a year to sleep next to a tree, something is wrong.
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May the forces of evil become confused on the way to your house.
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Hallucinogens are a value changer...like it or not, it changes your values, it opens up windows (doors of perception.)
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The surgeon general warned today that saliva causes stomach cancer. But apparently only when swallowed in small amounts over a long period of time.
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I think it keeps the child alive in me. There's a thrill when you steal something in plain view of other people.
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If you live long enough, sooner or later everybody you know has cancer.
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What year did Jesus think it was?
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They [the Reagan Administration] want to put street criminals in jail to make life safer for the business criminals. They're against street crime, providing that street isn't Wall Street.
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Frisbeetarianism is the belief that when you die, your soul goes up on the roof and gets stuck.
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