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Nothing you see on the Internet is mine unless it comes from one of my albums, books, HBO specials, or appeared on my website.

George Carlin

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George Carlin
Age: 71 †
Born: 1937
Born: May 12
Died: 2008
Died: June 22
Actor
Comedian
Composer
Film Actor
Film Producer
Humorist
Journalist
Manufacturer
Radio Personality
Screenwriter
Stand-Up Comedian
New York City
New York
George Denis Patrick Carlin
Internet
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Nothing
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Mine

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How can He be perfect? Everything He ever makes...dies.
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At best, God can be viewed as nothing more than an uncaring incompetent father-figure
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Baby boomers helped me a great deal in my career. They launched me. They were there for me to sing my song to. And I'm not saying I'm better than anyone, but I think they turned that anti-authority baby boom mentality into their own enemy. Now I identify very closely with their children.
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Life is a zero sum game.
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Every time you use the phrase all my life it has a different meaning.
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The dividend I get [from my compulsion] is the freedom to be totally disorderly in my dreamworld.
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For an entertainer, part of the thing you do is just style. And the coke did help me get into great runs of pure form.
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I really haven't seen this many people in one place since they took group photographs of all the criminals and lawbreakers in the Ronald Reagan administration.
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So far, this is the oldest I've been.
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They [the Reagan Administration] want to put street criminals in jail to make life safer for the business criminals. They're against street crime, providing that street isn't Wall Street.
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Some national parks have long waiting lists for camping reservations. When you have to wait a year to sleep next to a tree, something is wrong.
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You wouldn't know it, from some of the things I've said over the years, but I like people. I do. I like people, but I like them in short bursts. I don't like people for extended periods of time. I'm all right with them for a little while, but once you get up past around... a minute, minute and a half, I gotta get the fuck out of there.
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I say if you're going to go for the Angel bullshit you might as well go for the Zombie package as well.
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Grass probably helped me as much as it hurt me. Especially as a performer.
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I've never owned a telescope, but it's something I'm thinking of looking into.
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Personally, when it comes to rights, I think one of two things is true. I think either we have unlimited rights, or we have no rights at all. Personally I lean towards unlimited rights, I feel for instance I have the right to do anything I please, BUT! If I do something you don't like I think you have the right to kill me.
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If we could just find out who's in charge, we could kill him.
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It is said that Indians were sometimes named for the first thing they saw when they were born. Makes you wonder why there aren't more Indians named Hairy Pussy, doesn't it?
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You never see a smiling runner.
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Just when I discovered the meaning of life, they changed it.
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