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Nothing you see on the Internet is mine unless it comes from one of my albums, books, HBO specials, or appeared on my website.

George Carlin

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George Carlin
Age: 71 †
Born: 1937
Born: May 12
Died: 2008
Died: June 22
Actor
Comedian
Composer
Film Actor
Film Producer
Humorist
Journalist
Manufacturer
Radio Personality
Screenwriter
Stand-Up Comedian
New York City
New York
George Denis Patrick Carlin
Books
Hbo
Comes
Appeared
Book
Albums
Nothing
Mines
Mine
Internet
Unless
Technology
Specials

More quotes by George Carlin

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Baseball is a nineteenth-century pastoral game. Football is a twentieth-century technological struggle.
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Once the high priests and the traders took over, we were lost as a species.
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Ah, to be a bird. To fly the skies, sing my song, and best of all occasionally peck someone's eyes out.
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In the doggie dictionary, under bow wow it says, See arf arf.
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Avoid people with gold teeth who want to play cards
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Everyone should try to scratch their name on the bomb of life.
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I sort of gave up on this whole human adventure a long time ago, divorced myself from it emotionally. It gives me an artistic detachment that I find valuable. I think the human race has squandered its gift, and I think this country has squandered its promise, for the sake of cell phones and Jet Skis.
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Rhetoric paints with a broad brush.
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The following statement is true. The previous statement is false.
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Have you ever noticed that anybody driving slower than you is an idiot, and anyone going faster than you is a maniac?
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The child molester skipped breakfast, but said he'd grab a little something on the way to work.
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It is said that Indians were sometimes named for the first thing they saw when they were born. Makes you wonder why there aren't more Indians named Hairy Pussy, doesn't it?
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Life is not measured by the breaths you take, but by the moments that take your breaths away.
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In comic strips, the person on the left always speaks first.
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Sometimes a fireman will go to great strenuous lengths to save a raccoon that's stuck in a drainpipe and then go out on the weekend and kill several of them for amusement.
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I'm 63 now. But that's just 17 Celsius.
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At best, God can be viewed as nothing more than an uncaring incompetent father-figure
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I'm in favor of personal growth as long as it doesn't include malignant tumors.
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I'm always relieved when someone is delivering a eulogy and I realize I'm listening to it.
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What hair color do they put on the driver's licenses of bald men?
George Carlin