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Pacifism is a nice idea but it can get you killed. We're not there yet. Evolution is slow, small pox is fast.

George Carlin

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George Carlin
Age: 71 †
Born: 1937
Born: May 12
Died: 2008
Died: June 22
Actor
Comedian
Composer
Film Actor
Film Producer
Humorist
Journalist
Manufacturer
Radio Personality
Screenwriter
Stand-Up Comedian
New York City
New York
George Denis Patrick Carlin
Slow
Fast
Evolution
Small
Nice
Pox
Idea
Pacifism
Ideas
Comedian
Killed

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Here's a phrase that apparently the airlines simply made up: near miss. They say that if 2 planes almost collide, it's a near miss. Bullshit, my friend. It's a near hit! A collision is a near miss. [WHAM! CRUNCH!] Look, they nearly missed! Yes, but not quite.
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When he got loaded, the human cannonball knew there were not many men of his caliber.
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Being a Dodgers fan led to my first Air Force court-martial, but that's another story.
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One of the more pretentious political self-descriptions is 'Libertarian.' People think it puts them above the fray. It sounds fashionable, and to the uninitiated, faintly dangerous. Actually, it's just one more bullshit political philosophy.
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I have lots of ideas. Trouble is, most of them suck.
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To be intoxicated is to feel sophisticated, but not be able to say it.
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As a matter of principle, I never attend the first annual anything.
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I'm sure Hitler was great with his family.
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I think the warning labels on alcoholic beverages are too bland. They should be more vivid. Here is one I would suggest: Alcohol will turn you into the same asshole your father was.
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Interesting form of murder we come up with: Assassination. We assassinate people who've told us to live together in harmony and try to love one another. Apparently we are not ready to live together.
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I think everyone should treat one another in a Christian manner. I will not, however, be responsible for the consequences.
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Political discourse has been reduced to Where's the beef? Read my lips, and Make my day. Where are the assassins when we really need them?
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For an entertainer, part of the thing you do is just style. And the coke did help me get into great runs of pure form.
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In comic strips, the person on the left always speaks first.
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They [the Reagan Administration] want to put street criminals in jail to make life safer for the business criminals. They're against street crime, providing that street isn't Wall Street.
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I don't have hobbies hobbies cost money. Interests are quite free.
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Not only do I not know what's going on, I wouldn't know what to do about it if I did.
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You take 5 white guys and you take 5 black guys and put em together for a week and what you won't have is 5 blacks guys talking like, 'Golly gee, we really won that big basketball game' but you will have 5 white guys talking like 'Yo slick, whuzzup...we be shootin hoops and mad playin, slammed those mofos
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More people have been killed in the name of God than for any other reason.
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