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Pacifism is a nice idea but it can get you killed. We're not there yet. Evolution is slow, small pox is fast.
George Carlin
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George Carlin
Age: 71 †
Born: 1937
Born: May 12
Died: 2008
Died: June 22
Actor
Comedian
Composer
Film Actor
Film Producer
Humorist
Journalist
Manufacturer
Radio Personality
Screenwriter
Stand-Up Comedian
New York City
New York
George Denis Patrick Carlin
Slow
Fast
Evolution
Small
Nice
Pox
Idea
Pacifism
Ideas
Comedian
Killed
More quotes by George Carlin
Does killing time damage eternity?
George Carlin
Here's a phrase that apparently the airlines simply made up: near miss. They say that if 2 planes almost collide, it's a near miss. Bullshit, my friend. It's a near hit! A collision is a near miss. [WHAM! CRUNCH!] Look, they nearly missed! Yes, but not quite.
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When he got loaded, the human cannonball knew there were not many men of his caliber.
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Being a Dodgers fan led to my first Air Force court-martial, but that's another story.
George Carlin
One of the more pretentious political self-descriptions is 'Libertarian.' People think it puts them above the fray. It sounds fashionable, and to the uninitiated, faintly dangerous. Actually, it's just one more bullshit political philosophy.
George Carlin
I have lots of ideas. Trouble is, most of them suck.
George Carlin
To be intoxicated is to feel sophisticated, but not be able to say it.
George Carlin
As a matter of principle, I never attend the first annual anything.
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I'm sure Hitler was great with his family.
George Carlin
I think the warning labels on alcoholic beverages are too bland. They should be more vivid. Here is one I would suggest: Alcohol will turn you into the same asshole your father was.
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Interesting form of murder we come up with: Assassination. We assassinate people who've told us to live together in harmony and try to love one another. Apparently we are not ready to live together.
George Carlin
I think everyone should treat one another in a Christian manner. I will not, however, be responsible for the consequences.
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Political discourse has been reduced to Where's the beef? Read my lips, and Make my day. Where are the assassins when we really need them?
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For an entertainer, part of the thing you do is just style. And the coke did help me get into great runs of pure form.
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In comic strips, the person on the left always speaks first.
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They [the Reagan Administration] want to put street criminals in jail to make life safer for the business criminals. They're against street crime, providing that street isn't Wall Street.
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I don't have hobbies hobbies cost money. Interests are quite free.
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Not only do I not know what's going on, I wouldn't know what to do about it if I did.
George Carlin
You take 5 white guys and you take 5 black guys and put em together for a week and what you won't have is 5 blacks guys talking like, 'Golly gee, we really won that big basketball game' but you will have 5 white guys talking like 'Yo slick, whuzzup...we be shootin hoops and mad playin, slammed those mofos
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More people have been killed in the name of God than for any other reason.
George Carlin