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Pacifism is a nice idea but it can get you killed. We're not there yet. Evolution is slow, small pox is fast.
George Carlin
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George Carlin
Age: 71 †
Born: 1937
Born: May 12
Died: 2008
Died: June 22
Actor
Comedian
Composer
Film Actor
Film Producer
Humorist
Journalist
Manufacturer
Radio Personality
Screenwriter
Stand-Up Comedian
New York City
New York
George Denis Patrick Carlin
Idea
Pacifism
Ideas
Comedian
Killed
Slow
Fast
Evolution
Small
Nice
Pox
More quotes by George Carlin
I'm completely in favor of the separation of Church and State. My idea is that these two institutions screw us up enough on their own, so both of them together is certain death.
George Carlin
No comment is a comment.
George Carlin
Life is a zero sum game.
George Carlin
I, myself, have killed six people. All random, all undetected, no way to trace them to me. And, let me tell you, there's nothin' like it. It's a great feeling. Yeah, I know, you're thinking. 'Aw, he's a comedian. He's just sayin' that stuff.' Good. That's exactly what I want you to think.
George Carlin
There may or may not be atheists in foxholes, but I'm certain there are none in the Ku Klux Klan.
George Carlin
When you visualize the recent past, do you see it as being somewhere over on the left?
George Carlin
I often warn people: Somewhere along the way, someone is going to tell you, 'There is no I in team.' What you should tell them is, 'Maybe not. But there is an I in independence, individuality and integrity.
George Carlin
For a long time, I've distinguished between entertainer and performer and entertainer and artist. To me, an entertainer is someone who pleases others, and an artist tries to please himself.
George Carlin
War is rich old men protecting their property by sending middle class and lower class young men off to die. It always has been.
George Carlin
A lot of times when they catch a guy who killed twenty-seven people, they say, He was a loner. Well, of course he was a loner he killed everyone he came in contact with.
George Carlin
I'm 63 now. But that's just 17 Celsius.
George Carlin
Kilometers are shorter than miles. Save gas, take your next trip in kilometers.
George Carlin
People love to admit they have bad handwriting or that they can't do math. And they will readily admit to being awkward: 'I'm such a klutz!' But they will never admit to having a poor sense of humor or being a bad driver.
George Carlin
When I ask how old your toddler is, I don't need to hear '27 months.' 'He's two' will do just fine. He's not a cheese. And I didn't really care in the first place.
George Carlin
What exactly is 'viewer discretion'? If viewers had discretion, most television shows would not be on the air.
George Carlin
Religion is sort of like a lift in your shoes. If it makes you feel better, fine. Just don't ask me to wear your shoes.
George Carlin
Singing is basically a form of pleasant, controlled screaming.
George Carlin
Death is caused by swallowing small amounts of saliva over a long period of time.
George Carlin
Comedy is a socially acceptable form of hostility and aggression. That is what comics do, stand the world upside down.
George Carlin
If we could just find out who's in charge, we could kill him.
George Carlin
