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Pacifism is a nice idea but it can get you killed. We're not there yet. Evolution is slow, small pox is fast.

George Carlin

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George Carlin
Age: 71 †
Born: 1937
Born: May 12
Died: 2008
Died: June 22
Actor
Comedian
Composer
Film Actor
Film Producer
Humorist
Journalist
Manufacturer
Radio Personality
Screenwriter
Stand-Up Comedian
New York City
New York
George Denis Patrick Carlin
Small
Nice
Pox
Idea
Pacifism
Ideas
Comedian
Killed
Slow
Fast
Evolution

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We're having something a little different this year for Thanksgiving. Instead of a turkey, we're having a swan. You get more stuffing
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The things that matter in this country have been reduced in choice, there are two political parties, there are a handful insurance companies, there are six or seven information centers.. but if you want a bagel there are 23 flavors. Because you have the illusion of choice!
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I have this real moron thing I do? It's called thinking.
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Isn’t making a smoking section in a restaurant like making a peeing section in a swimming pool?
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Why do they bother saying raw sewage? Do some people actually cook that stuff?
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Once the high priests and the traders took over, we were lost as a species.
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Inside every cynical person, there is a disappointed idealist.
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If you ask me, we could do with a little less motivation. - The people who are causing all the trouble seem highly motivated to me. - Serial killers, stock swindlers, drug dealers, Christian Republicans.
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I'd say pot has been a break-even proposition for me.
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What I hated most was seeing those priests and brothers getting so much pleasure out of inflicting pain. I wondered what was wrong with them.
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Frisbeetarianism is the belief that when you die, your soul goes up on the roof and gets stuck.
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I thought about how mothers feed their babies with tiny little spoons and forks so I wondered, what do Chinese mothers use? Toothpicks?
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Isn’t it a bit unnerving that doctors call what they do “practice”?
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I gravitated toward being a funny guy. I liked the radio comedians. I lived in the Golden Age of radio, and the Golden Age of television came along when I was still in my early teens.
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For an entertainer, part of the thing you do is just style. And the coke did help me get into great runs of pure form.
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Regarding local residents attempting to ban sex shops from their neighborhoods: You show me a parent who says he's worried about his child's innocence and I'll show you a homeowner trying to maintain equity.
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The Human Species could have been great but instead we became satisfied with lights on our tennis shoes.
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Political discourse has been reduced to Where's the beef? Read my lips, and Make my day. Where are the assassins when we really need them?
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People have material needs, but you don't need a deodorant for every different day of the week. You don't need four hundred varieties of mustard. This is what I call too many choices. There are too many choices in America.
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Catholics are against abortions. Catholics are against homosexuals. But, I can't think of anyone who has less abortions than homosexuals!
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