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I went to the Missing Persons Bureau but no one was there.

George Carlin

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George Carlin
Age: 71 †
Born: 1937
Born: May 12
Died: 2008
Died: June 22
Actor
Comedian
Composer
Film Actor
Film Producer
Humorist
Journalist
Manufacturer
Radio Personality
Screenwriter
Stand-Up Comedian
New York City
New York
George Denis Patrick Carlin
Persons
Bureau
Comedian
Missing
Went

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With the proper training, I could've been an evil genius.
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The older you get, the better you realize you were.
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If all our national holidays were observed on Wednesdays, we could wind up with nine-day weekends.
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When you think about it, attention-deficit order makes a lot of sense. In this country there isn't a lot worth paying attention to.
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By the next one [albom],Occupation: Foole, I was right back into the trip again. I'm more frantic, more breathless. You can hear how sick I am. If you want to see a cokehead, just look at the pictures on the Occupation: Foole album.
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How can He be perfect? Everything He ever makes...dies.
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When I hear a person talking about political solutions, I know I am not listening to a serious person.
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I always wanted and enjoyed sex, but I never put much importance on scoring or having an athletic sex life. I guess I define myself more by my career and my commitment to a relationship than by my ability to have a lot of chicks or achieve ten orgasms in an evening.
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And now gay people want to get married... Haven't they suffered enough?
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You know who would make an interesting murder-suicide? Madeline Albright and Yanni.
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Leftovers make you feel good twice. First, when you put it away, you feel thrifty and intelligent: 'I'm saving food!' Then a month later when blue hair is growing out of the ham, and you throw it away, you feel really intelligent: 'I'm saving my life!'
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I simply decided that dope wasn't worth the ritual.
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Religion is sort of like a lift in your shoes. If it makes you feel better, fine. Just don't ask me to wear your shoes.
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If God had intended us not to masturbate, He would have made our arms shorter.
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Singing is basically a form of pleasant, controlled screaming.
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I think everyone should treat one another in a Christian manner. I will not, however, be responsible for the consequences.
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Avoid people with gold teeth who want to play cards
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President George Bush declared a National Day of Prayer for Peace. This was after he had carefully arranged and started the war.
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The base of evil in the world is religion of any kind
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If churches want to play the game of politics, let them pay admission like everyone else.
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