Quote

I went to the Missing Persons Bureau but no one was there.

George Carlin

Change background

T
T
T

Change font

TAGS & TOPICS

George Carlin
Age: 71 †
Born: 1937
Born: May 12
Died: 2008
Died: June 22
Actor
Comedian
Composer
Film Actor
Film Producer
Humorist
Journalist
Manufacturer
Radio Personality
Screenwriter
Stand-Up Comedian
New York City
New York
George Denis Patrick Carlin
Comedian
Missing
Went
Persons
Bureau

More quotes by George Carlin

Image
By the age of six or seven, I was already doing voices and faces, making my friends and my mother laugh.
George Carlin
Image
There are battered husbands. Apparently this happens when the woman is real big, the man is very small, and they each drink a quart of whiskey a day.
George Carlin
Image
One of the effects it [cocaine] had on my personality - my moods, my behaviors - was that it inhibited me a lot. It kind of took possibilities out of my world, and made the focus of things very narrow.
George Carlin
Image
The base of evil in the world is religion of any kind
George Carlin
Image
Just think, right now as you read this, some guy somewhere is gettin' ready to hang himself.
George Carlin
Image
Some people try to get out of jury duty by lying. You don't have to lie. Tell the judge the truth. Tell him you'd make a terrific juror because you can spot guilty people.
George Carlin
Image
If God didn't want you to masturbate, he would have given you short arms.
George Carlin
Image
Catholic school gave me the tools to reject the very religion they wanted me to have. They taught me how to think for myself and to be independent.
George Carlin
Image
If a movie is described as a romantic comedy, you can usually find me next door playing pinball.
George Carlin
Image
Life is not that complicated.
George Carlin
Image
I'm 60 years of age. That's 16 Celsius.
George Carlin
Image
You can't fight City Hall, but you can goddamn sure blow it up.
George Carlin
Image
Inside every cynical person, there is a disappointed idealist.
George Carlin
Image
I always wanted and enjoyed sex, but I never put much importance on scoring or having an athletic sex life. I guess I define myself more by my career and my commitment to a relationship than by my ability to have a lot of chicks or achieve ten orgasms in an evening.
George Carlin
Image
Is a vegetarian permitted to eat animal crackers?
George Carlin
Image
May the forces of evil become confused on the way to your house.
George Carlin
Image
I'm in favor of personal growth as long as it doesn't include malignant tumors.
George Carlin
Image
Boxing is a more sophisticated form of hockey.
George Carlin
Image
Give now. Somewhere, someone feels crappy. You can help.
George Carlin
Image
The next time a prostitute solicits your business, ask for the clergyman's rate.
George Carlin