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I went to the Missing Persons Bureau but no one was there.

George Carlin

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George Carlin
Age: 71 †
Born: 1937
Born: May 12
Died: 2008
Died: June 22
Actor
Comedian
Composer
Film Actor
Film Producer
Humorist
Journalist
Manufacturer
Radio Personality
Screenwriter
Stand-Up Comedian
New York City
New York
George Denis Patrick Carlin
Comedian
Missing
Went
Persons
Bureau

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Is a vegetarian permitted to eat animal crackers?
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I call him Governor Bush because that's the only political office he's ever held legally in this country. I don't care where they hang his portrait, I don't care how big his library is. To me, he'll always be Governor Bush. I don't even capitalize his name when I type it anymore.
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Everyone should try to scratch their name on the bomb of life.
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For an entertainer, part of the thing you do is just style. And the coke did help me get into great runs of pure form.
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There are actually people who go out and re-fight these battles. You know what I say? Use real ammunition! You just might raise the intelligence level of the American gene pool!
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I think we’re part of a greater wisdom that we will ever understand a higher order, call it what you want. Know what I call it? The Big Electron. It doesn’t punish, it doesn’t reward, it doesn’t judge at all. It just is.
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I don't have hobbies hobbies cost money. Interests are quite free.
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Isn’t it a bit unnerving that doctors call what they do “practice”?
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My money buys me the freedom not to be a member of the corporate structure. And I certainly don't feel guilty or hypocritical about that. The way our economy is set up, if you don't want to be a corporate moron and you don't want to be enfeebled in the streets, you must earn enough to know that you'll never have to go to them for money.
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Give now. Somewhere, someone feels crappy. You can help.
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Children are not our future, and I can prove it with my usual, flawless logic. Children can't be our future, because by the time the future arrives, they won't be children anymore, so blow me!
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Hallucinogens are a value changer...like it or not, it changes your values, it opens up windows (doors of perception.)
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I simply decided that dope wasn't worth the ritual.
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I don't own a camera, so I travel with a police sketch artist.
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Some national parks have long waiting lists for camping reservations. When you have to wait a year to sleep next to a tree, something is wrong.
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More people have been killed in the name of God than for any other reason.
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Religion is just mind control.
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Whenever you see the word cuisine used instead of the word food, be prepared to pay an additional eighty percent.
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By elimination, dishonesty is the second-best policy.
George Carlin
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As a matter of principle, I never attend the first annual anything.
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