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Comedy is a socially acceptable form of hostility and aggression. That is what comics do, stand the world upside down.
George Carlin
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George Carlin
Age: 71 †
Born: 1937
Born: May 12
Died: 2008
Died: June 22
Actor
Comedian
Composer
Film Actor
Film Producer
Humorist
Journalist
Manufacturer
Radio Personality
Screenwriter
Stand-Up Comedian
New York City
New York
George Denis Patrick Carlin
Comedy
Stand
Form
Upside
World
Socially
Hostility
Comics
Aggression
Acceptable
More quotes by George Carlin
To my surprise, my marijuana use has been tapering off steadily.
George Carlin
I respect animals. I have more sympathy for an injured or dead animal than I do for an injured or dead human being, because human beings participate and cooperate in their own undoing. Animals are completely innocent. There are no innocent human beings.
George Carlin
How come when it's us, it's an abortion, and when it's a chicken, it's an omelette? Are we so much better than chickens all of a sudden? When did this happen that we passed chickens in goodness? Name six ways we're better than chickens. See, nobody can do it! You know why? 'Cause chickens are decent people.
George Carlin
I love and treasure individuals as I meet them, I loath and despise the groups they identify or belong to.
George Carlin
Swimming is not a sport. Swimming is a way to keep from drowning. That's just common sense!
George Carlin
The planet is fine. The people are f****d. Because everyone is trying to save the planet. The planet doesn’t need that. The planet will take care of itself. People are selfish. And that's what they're doing is trying to save the planet for themselves to have a nicer place to live.
George Carlin
hard work is a misleading term. physical effort & long hours do not constitute hard work. hard work is when someone pays you to do something you'd rather not be doing. anytime you'd rather be doing something other than the thing you're doing...you're doing hard work.
George Carlin
I'm sure Hitler was great with his family.
George Carlin
There's a thing about cocaine - when I was doing it secretly, it didn't make me very sociable. I forget how others were, but it made me very inner-directed. So being in a sketch and rehearsing and the hail fellow well met camaraderie and all that stuff, I couldn't fake that or force that. It was painful.
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People who own everything know how to relax a little and bend and exhale once in a while, but they're not going to let it get out of control.
George Carlin
Life is a zero sum game.
George Carlin
Regarding local residents attempting to ban sex shops from their neighborhoods: You show me a parent who says he's worried about his child's innocence and I'll show you a homeowner trying to maintain equity.
George Carlin
My left descending septal branch artery decided to close without consultation with any of my other organs. It happened on Saint Patrick's Day, 1978.
George Carlin
We now buy watches primarily for their looks, price, or additional functions. The fact that they tell time seems lost.
George Carlin
It's all bullshit, folks and it's bad for ya.
George Carlin
If you live long enough, sooner or later everybody you know has cancer.
George Carlin
There was about a two-year period at the end of the '60s, when I realized I was in the wrong place and entertaining the wrong people with the wrong material and that I was not being true to myself. I went through a metamorphosis into something more authentic for me, a more authentic stage voice and writing voice.
George Carlin
There's this man who lives in the sky, and he has ten things he doesn't want you to do, and you'll burn for a long time if you do them. But he loves you.
George Carlin
Running isn't a sport because anyone can do it. Anything we can all do can't be a sport. I can run, you can run. My mother can run, you don't see her on the cover of Sports Illustrated do you?
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Nothing rectifies out-of-control market failures like a healthy dose of government intervention and mountains of bureaucracy.
George Carlin