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Comedy is a socially acceptable form of hostility and aggression. That is what comics do, stand the world upside down.

George Carlin

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George Carlin
Age: 71 †
Born: 1937
Born: May 12
Died: 2008
Died: June 22
Actor
Comedian
Composer
Film Actor
Film Producer
Humorist
Journalist
Manufacturer
Radio Personality
Screenwriter
Stand-Up Comedian
New York City
New York
George Denis Patrick Carlin
Aggression
Acceptable
Comedy
Stand
Form
Upside
World
Socially
Hostility
Comics

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President George Bush declared a National Day of Prayer for Peace. This was after he had carefully arranged and started the war.
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Can placebos cause side effects? If so, are the side effects real?
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Don Ho can sign autographs 3.4 times faster than Efrem Zimbalist Jr.
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Whenever you see the word cuisine used instead of the word food, be prepared to pay an additional eighty percent.
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Political discourse has been reduced to Where's the beef? Read my lips, and Make my day. Where are the assassins when we really need them?
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That's why they call it the American Dream, because you have to be asleep to believe it.
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On the other hand, pot opens windows and doors that you may not be able to get through any other way.
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Dogs and cats get put to sleep hogs and cows get slaughtered.
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If all our national holidays were observed on Wednesdays, we could wind up with nine-day weekends.
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I was once dancing with a woman who told me she had a yeast infection so I told her to bake me some bread.
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Some people try to get out of jury duty by lying. You don't have to lie. Tell the judge the truth. Tell him you'd make a terrific juror because you can spot guilty people.
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Oh Beautiful for smoggy skies, insecticided grain, For strip-mined mountain's majesty above the asphalt plain. America, America, man sheds his waste on thee, And hides the pines with billboard signs, from sea to oily sea.
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There are three kinds of people: those who can count, and those who cannot.
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It is said that Indians were sometimes named for the first thing they saw when they were born. Makes you wonder why there aren't more Indians named Hairy Pussy, doesn't it?
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Kilometers are shorter than miles. Save gas, take your next trip in kilometers.
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Life is not measured by the breaths you take, but by the moments that take your breaths away.
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Things I wonder about the FBI's list of the Ten Most Wanted criminals: When they catch a guy and he comes off the list, does number eleven automatically move up? And does he see it as a promotion? Does he call his criminal friends and say, I made it, Bruno. I'm finally on the list?
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All messages from Satan are played forward and are in standard American English.
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Medical researchers have discovered a new disease that has no symptoms. It is impossible to detect, and there is no known cure. Fortunately, no cases have been reported thus far.
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One tequila, two tequila, three tequila, floor.
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