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Comedy is a socially acceptable form of hostility and aggression. That is what comics do, stand the world upside down.

George Carlin

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George Carlin
Age: 71 †
Born: 1937
Born: May 12
Died: 2008
Died: June 22
Actor
Comedian
Composer
Film Actor
Film Producer
Humorist
Journalist
Manufacturer
Radio Personality
Screenwriter
Stand-Up Comedian
New York City
New York
George Denis Patrick Carlin
Acceptable
Comedy
Stand
Form
Upside
World
Socially
Hostility
Comics
Aggression

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It's all bullshit, folks and it's bad for ya.
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By and large, language is a tool for concealing the truth.
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I went to George Washington High School for six months before my 16th birthday, when I could legally quit. That was an even worse experience than the Catholic schools. I mean, they were still teaching fractions. But mostly, I played hooky.
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If you have a legal problem, guess how you determine whether or not you need a lawyer. You see a lawyer. Isn't that weird?
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You live eighty years, and at best you get about six minutes of pure magic.
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It was the typical paranoid experience [to hide coke]. As soon as I knew my hiding place, I thought the whole world knew it. I'd write clues to my hiding places in code, then forget the code and spend the rest of the day looking for my coke.
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There are battered husbands. Apparently this happens when the woman is real big, the man is very small, and they each drink a quart of whiskey a day.
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One of the interesting things about outsidership is that underneath it there's a longing to belong. I just wish the thing I refused to belong to - the species, Western capital culture - was a little more respectable. My one true relaxation is my flotation tank, in which I can either meditate or just drift off.
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The wisest man I ever knew taught me something I never forgot. And although I never forgot it, I never quite memorized it either. So what I’m left with is the memory of having learned something very wise that I can’t quite remember.
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Frisbeetarianism is the belief that when you die, your soul goes up on the roof and gets stuck.
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I've never seen a homeless guy with a bottle of Gatorade.
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As a matter of principle, I never attend the first annual anything.
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I really haven't seen this many people in one place since they took group photographs of all the criminals and lawbreakers in the Ronald Reagan administration.
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More people have been killed in the name of God than for any other reason.
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Art, music, and philosophy are merely poignant examples of what we might have been had not the priests and traders gotten hold of us.
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People who see life as anything more than pure entertainment are missing the point.
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I don't have hobbies hobbies cost money. Interests are quite free.
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There's a thrill when you steal something in plain view of other people. When you drop a newspaper over a sign and walk away with it, or take something off a wall and the sound of the glue ripping makes people turn around. Your heart is racing, it's a rush.
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There may or may not be atheists in foxholes, but I'm certain there are none in the Ku Klux Klan.
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It's legal for men to be floorwalkers and illegal for women to be streetwalkers.
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