Share
×
Inspirational Quotes
Authors
Professions
Topics
Tags
Quote
If you have a legal problem, guess how you determine whether or not you need a lawyer. You see a lawyer. Isn't that weird?
George Carlin
Share
Change background
T
T
T
Change font
Original
TAGS & TOPICS
George Carlin
Age: 71 †
Born: 1937
Born: May 12
Died: 2008
Died: June 22
Actor
Comedian
Composer
Film Actor
Film Producer
Humorist
Journalist
Manufacturer
Radio Personality
Screenwriter
Stand-Up Comedian
New York City
New York
George Denis Patrick Carlin
Guess
Whether
Funny
Problem
Legal
Need
Humorous
Needs
Lawyer
Weird
Determine
More quotes by George Carlin
I just love it when I hear a little commotion, someone leaving. When I see those doors in the back . . .
George Carlin
Singing is basically a form of pleasant, controlled screaming.
George Carlin
Isn’t making a smoking section in a restaurant like making a peeing section in a swimming pool?
George Carlin
Sex always has consequences. When Hitler's mother spread her legs that night, she effectively canceled out the spreading of fifteen to twenty million other pairs of legs.
George Carlin
Nothing you see on the Internet is mine unless it comes from one of my albums, books, HBO specials, or appeared on my website.
George Carlin
When you visualize the recent past, do you see it as being somewhere over on the left?
George Carlin
If churches want to play the game of politics, let them pay admission like everyone else.
George Carlin
Never underestimate the power of stupid people in large groups.
George Carlin
No one is ever more him/herself than when they really laugh. Their defenses are down. It's very Zen-like, that moment. They are completely open.
George Carlin
The future will soon be a thing of the past.
George Carlin
For a long time, I've distinguished between entertainer and performer and entertainer and artist. To me, an entertainer is someone who pleases others, and an artist tries to please himself.
George Carlin
Trying to be happy by accumulating possessions is like trying to satisfy hunger by taping sandwiches all over your body
George Carlin
Nothing rectifies out-of-control market failures like a healthy dose of government intervention and mountains of bureaucracy.
George Carlin
Don't take guilt trips. Take a trip to the mall, to the next county, to a foreign country, but NOT to where the guilt is.
George Carlin
When you quit school at an early age, I think you have a lifelong need to show the world - and maybe yourself - that you're really smart after all.
George Carlin
I think tobacco and alcohol warnings are too general. They should be more to the point: 'People who smoke will eventually cough up small pieces of lung.'... And 'Warning!! Alcohol will turn you into the same jerk your father was.'
George Carlin
You show me a tropical fruit and I'll show you a cocksucker from Guatemala.
George Carlin
Language always gives you away.
George Carlin
One tequila, two tequila, three tequila, floor.
George Carlin
I put a dollar in one of those change machines. Nothing changed.
George Carlin