Quote

If you have a legal problem, guess how you determine whether or not you need a lawyer. You see a lawyer. Isn't that weird?

George Carlin

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George Carlin
Age: 71 †
Born: 1937
Born: May 12
Died: 2008
Died: June 22
Actor
Comedian
Composer
Film Actor
Film Producer
Humorist
Journalist
Manufacturer
Radio Personality
Screenwriter
Stand-Up Comedian
New York City
New York
George Denis Patrick Carlin
Needs
Lawyer
Weird
Determine
Guess
Whether
Funny
Problem
Legal
Need
Humorous

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Do you know the nicest thing about looking at pictures of a 1950's baseball park? The only people wearing baseball caps are the players.
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As far as I'm concerned, humans have not yet come up with a belief that's worth believing.
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Ever wonder about those people who spend $2 apiece on those little bottles of Evian water? Try spelling Evian backward.
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So, have a little fun. Soon enough you'll be dead and burning in Hell with the rest of your family.
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Why should it be illegal to sell something that's perfectly legal to give away?
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I say things that can be defined as prayers. But I don't pray to a power or ask an entity to intercede in the earthly scheme, because I don't believe that happens. But if I see a really unfortunate person in the street, I do pray, yes, though I suppose it's really more like a mantra to ease my own sorrow.
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More people have been killed in the name of God than for any other reason.
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If God is all powerful, can He make a stone so big that He Himself can't lift it?
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Somewhere in the world is a doctor who is worse than all other doctors...and someone has an appointment with him in the morning.
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To be intoxicated is to feel sophisticated, but not be able to say it.
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At best, God can be viewed as nothing more than an uncaring incompetent father-figure
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We get what we deserve. They are our elected officials.
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Life is not measured by the breaths you take, but by the moments that take your breaths away.
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I kind of like it when a lot of people die, and on the other hand I always wonder how many unused frequent-flier miles they had.
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Would a fly without wings be called a walk?
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