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If God is all powerful, can He make a stone so big that He Himself can't lift it?
George Carlin
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George Carlin
Age: 71 †
Born: 1937
Born: May 12
Died: 2008
Died: June 22
Actor
Comedian
Composer
Film Actor
Film Producer
Humorist
Journalist
Manufacturer
Radio Personality
Screenwriter
Stand-Up Comedian
New York City
New York
George Denis Patrick Carlin
Funny
Lift
Bigs
Lifts
Make
Stone
Humorous
Stones
God
Humor
Powerful
More quotes by George Carlin
Being a Dodgers fan led to my first Air Force court-martial, but that's another story.
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What hair color do they put on the driver's licenses of bald men?
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In the doggie dictionary, under bow wow it says, See arf arf.
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I really haven't seen this many people in one place since they took group photographs of all the criminals and lawbreakers in the Ronald Reagan administration.
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Never get on an airplane if the pilot is wearing a hat that has more than three pastel colors.
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Shopping and buying and getting and having comprise the Great American Addiction. No one is immune. When the underclass riots in this country they don't kill policemen and politicians, they steal merchandise. How embarrassing.
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If the cops didn't see it, I didn't do it!
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May the forces of evil become confused on the way to your house.
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I like Florida. Everything is in the 80s. The temperatures, the ages and the IQ's.
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I hope I'm beginning a new cycle of energy and creativity. If so, it'll really be my third career. The first was as a straight comic in the Sixties. The second was as a counterculture performer in the Seventies. The third will be...well, that's for others to judge.
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People who own everything know how to relax a little and bend and exhale once in a while, but they're not going to let it get out of control.
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Fussy eater is a euphemism for big pain in the ass.
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No one ever says, 'It's only a game' when their team is winning.
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I would never want to be a member of a group whose symbol was a guy nailed to two pieces of wood.
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Is a vegetarian permitted to eat animal crackers?
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If God had intended us not to masturbate, He would have made our arms shorter.
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I never joined the Boy Scouts. I don't trust any organization that has a handbook.
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I quit school in ninth grade, even though I was good at the studies. I knew I didn't need school for what I wanted.
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For an entertainer, part of the thing you do is just style. And the coke did help me get into great runs of pure form.
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It is said that Indians were sometimes named for the first thing they saw when they were born. Makes you wonder why there aren't more Indians named Hairy Pussy, doesn't it?
George Carlin
