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If God is all powerful, can He make a stone so big that He Himself can't lift it?
George Carlin
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George Carlin
Age: 71 †
Born: 1937
Born: May 12
Died: 2008
Died: June 22
Actor
Comedian
Composer
Film Actor
Film Producer
Humorist
Journalist
Manufacturer
Radio Personality
Screenwriter
Stand-Up Comedian
New York City
New York
George Denis Patrick Carlin
Humorous
Stones
God
Humor
Powerful
Funny
Lift
Bigs
Lifts
Make
Stone
More quotes by George Carlin
I was once dancing with a woman who told me she had a yeast infection so I told her to bake me some bread.
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Most of the time people feel okay. Probably it's because at the moment they're not actually dying.
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What occurs as you age is an accumulation of information, data, knowledge, and what I'm going to call the matrix of the mind. There's just a rich, textured, field of information and impressions that have been all networked by the brain.
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Sometimes, when I was really loaded, I'd sit on the floor and sort out every nut and bolt in the house. It was just sheer insanity. And often there'd be speed in the cut, so I was a speed freak, too.
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Inside every cynical person, there is a disappointed idealist.
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I, myself, have killed six people. All random, all undetected, no way to trace them to me. And, let me tell you, there's nothin' like it. It's a great feeling. Yeah, I know, you're thinking. 'Aw, he's a comedian. He's just sayin' that stuff.' Good. That's exactly what I want you to think.
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Republicans have been trying to get people to work for no pay for a long time.
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You show me something that doesn't cause cancer, and I'll show you something that isn't on the market yet.
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My mother and her plans for my future. She had it all worked out. I would attend a nice college, then get a job in advertising. You'll be one of those smart-looking fellows in their Madison Avenue suits. And I rebelled against [my mother] and her values and her plans for my future at every opportunity.
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To my surprise, my marijuana use has been tapering off steadily.
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Most people with low self-esteem have earned it.
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I did a lot of thinking, and used mental activity to relieve whatever feelings I had. I became very left-brained, and I was good in school. That is, I was a smart kid.
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I don't believe there's any problem in this country, no matter how tough it is, that Americans, when they roll up their sleeves, can't completely ignore.
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You know the good part about all those executions in Texas? Fewer Texans.
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No one knows what's next, but everybody does it.
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Isn’t it a bit unnerving that doctors call what they do “practice”?
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I never joined the Boy Scouts. I don't trust any organization that has a handbook.
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The ritual was very important to me: cleaning the pot, rolling the pot.
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I profess no belief in God, which by definition is true, especially if we take the accepted definition of God. But to be an atheist is to also have a belief, and have a system, and I don't know that I like that either.
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The sicker you get, the harder it is to remember if you took your medicine.
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