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If God is all powerful, can He make a stone so big that He Himself can't lift it?
George Carlin
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George Carlin
Age: 71 †
Born: 1937
Born: May 12
Died: 2008
Died: June 22
Actor
Comedian
Composer
Film Actor
Film Producer
Humorist
Journalist
Manufacturer
Radio Personality
Screenwriter
Stand-Up Comedian
New York City
New York
George Denis Patrick Carlin
Humor
Powerful
Lift
Funny
Lifts
Bigs
Stone
Make
Humorous
Stones
God
More quotes by George Carlin
Isn’t it a bit unnerving that doctors call what they do “practice”?
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Results like these [state of the earth] do not belong on the resumé of a supreme being.
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Can placebos cause side effects? If so, are the side effects real?
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Avoid people with gold teeth who want to play cards
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If it requires a uniform, it's a worthless endeavor.
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Some people think that words can injure the psyche or the moral fiber. And they really can't.
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People who say they don't care what people think are usually desperate to have people think they don't care what people think.
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Personally, emotionally, I'd rather divorce myself from the world than face the heartbreak of partial success. Because partial success implies overwhelming failure.
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When people say “clean as a whistle”, they forget that a whistle is full of spit.
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I think of myself as an entertainer: I'm a performing entertainer, I'm a stand-up comic. But there's an artist at work here, too. One who interprets his world through his own filter.
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Everyone smiles in the same language.
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Men are from Earth, women are from Earth. Deal with it.
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Every time you use the phrase all my life it has a different meaning.
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No comment is a comment.
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There's an idea that the human body is somehow evil and bad and there are parts of it that are especially evil and bad, and we should be ashamed. Fear, guilt and shame are built into the attitude toward sex and the body. It's reflected in these prohibitions and these taboos that we have.
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The women who line up at a comic's dressing-room door are not what you'd call your class groupies.
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Language always gives you away.
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Running isn't a sport because anyone can do it. Anything we can all do can't be a sport. I can run, you can run. My mother can run, you don't see her on the cover of Sports Illustrated do you?
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Instead of thinking about the sex, I'd always think about the clap and the crabs those people have.
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Know my feelings about traffic laws? Cop didn't see it? I didn't do it.
George Carlin
