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Scientists announced today that they have discovered a cure for apathy. However, they claim no one has shown the slightest interest in it.
George Carlin
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George Carlin
Age: 71 †
Born: 1937
Born: May 12
Died: 2008
Died: June 22
Actor
Comedian
Composer
Film Actor
Film Producer
Humorist
Journalist
Manufacturer
Radio Personality
Screenwriter
Stand-Up Comedian
New York City
New York
George Denis Patrick Carlin
Claims
Apathy
However
Shown
Interest
Cure
Today
Scientists
Cures
Claim
Discovered
Announced
Scientist
Slightest
More quotes by George Carlin
When people asked me, Do you get high to go onstage? I could never understand the question. I mean, I'd been high since eight that morning. Going onstage had nothing to do with it.
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When you look at the average American you realize there's nothing nature enjoys more than a good joke.
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Sometimes, when I was really loaded, I'd sit on the floor and sort out every nut and bolt in the house. It was just sheer insanity. And often there'd be speed in the cut, so I was a speed freak, too.
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I definitely have a gift for language that is rhythmic and attractive to the ear, and I have interesting [verbal] imagery which I guess is a poetic touch.
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Have you ever noticed that anybody driving slower than you is an idiot, and anyone going faster than you is a maniac?
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When people say “clean as a whistle”, they forget that a whistle is full of spit.
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Picture your grandmother in Hell, baking pies... without an oven.
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Oh Beautiful for smoggy skies, insecticided grain, For strip-mined mountain's majesty above the asphalt plain. America, America, man sheds his waste on thee, And hides the pines with billboard signs, from sea to oily sea.
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Republicans have been trying to get people to work for no pay for a long time.
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Life is a series of dogs.
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Regarding local residents attempting to ban sex shops from their neighborhoods: You show me a parent who says he's worried about his child's innocence and I'll show you a homeowner trying to maintain equity.
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Your home is your refuge.
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I find that an entertainer is quite content to sit still, and I think an artist always has a little motion, always going somewhere. May not know where it is, but there is some sort of unnamed destination. There is some pulling, some movement. So I just found myself in that category according to my own analysis.
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People love to admit they have bad handwriting or that they can't do math. And they will readily admit to being awkward: 'I'm such a klutz!' But they will never admit to having a poor sense of humor or being a bad driver.
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Never get on an airplane if the pilot is wearing a hat that has more than three pastel colors.
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George Washington’s brother, Lawrence, was the Uncle of Our Country.
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It's the old American Double Standard, ya know: Say one thing, do somethin' different. And of course this country is founded on the double standard. That's our history. We were founded on a very basic double standard: This country was founded by slave owners who wanted to be free.
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It's all bullshit, folks and it's bad for ya.
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If we could just find out who's in charge, we could kill him.
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I remember when I was a kid I used to come home from Sunday School and my mother would get drunk and try to make pancakes
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