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I am not a complete vegetarian. I eat only animals that have died in their sleep.

George Carlin

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George Carlin
Age: 71 †
Born: 1937
Born: May 12
Died: 2008
Died: June 22
Actor
Comedian
Composer
Film Actor
Film Producer
Humorist
Journalist
Manufacturer
Radio Personality
Screenwriter
Stand-Up Comedian
New York City
New York
George Denis Patrick Carlin
Vegetarian
Complete
Animals
Died
Animal
Sleep

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When I first heard the song Don't worry - be happy I realized it was exactly the kind of mindless philosophy that Americans would respond to. It would make a great national anthem along with Me first.
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Religion is sort of like a lift in your shoes. If it makes you feel better, fine. Just don't ask me to wear your shoes.
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What wine goes with Captain Crunch?
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Thall shall keep thy religion to thy selves.
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Do you realize that the only time in our lives when we like to get old is when we're kids? If you're less than 10 years old, you're so excited about aging that you think in fractions.
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The following statement is true. The previous statement is false.
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The status quo sucks.
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I was thinking about how people seem to read the Bible a whole lot more as they get older then it dawned on me . . they’re cramming for their final exam.
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Some people have no idea what they're doing, and a lot of them are really good at it.
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If this is the best God can do, I'm not impressed.
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Scientists announced today that they have discovered a cure for apathy. However, they claim no one has shown the slightest interest in it.
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You show me something that doesn't cause cancer, and I'll show you something that isn't on the market yet.
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I think TV remotes should have a button that allows you to kill the person on the screen.
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