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I couldn't commit suicide if my life depended on it.
George Carlin
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George Carlin
Age: 71 †
Born: 1937
Born: May 12
Died: 2008
Died: June 22
Actor
Comedian
Composer
Film Actor
Film Producer
Humorist
Journalist
Manufacturer
Radio Personality
Screenwriter
Stand-Up Comedian
New York City
New York
George Denis Patrick Carlin
Life
Depended
Suicide
Commit
Couldn
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I never worry that all hell will break loose. My concern is that only part of hell will break loose and be much harder to detect.
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May the forces of evil become confused on the way to your house.
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Surround yourself with what you love, whether it's family, pets, keepsakes, music, plants, hobbies, whatever.
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God bless the homicidal maniacs. They make life worthwhile.
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Results like these [state of the earth] do not belong on the resumé of a supreme being.
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No comment is a comment.
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I'm in favor of personal growth as long as it doesn't include malignant tumors.
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If all our national holidays were observed on Wednesdays, we could wind up with nine-day weekends.
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In the 'bullshit department' a businessman can't hold a candle to a clergyman.
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Most of the time people feel okay. Probably it's because at the moment they're not actually dying.
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For a long time, I've distinguished between entertainer and performer and entertainer and artist. To me, an entertainer is someone who pleases others, and an artist tries to please himself.
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Fussy eater is a euphemism for big pain in the ass.
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Just think, right now as you read this, some guy somewhere is gettin' ready to hang himself.
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I recently bought a book of free verse. For twelve dollars.
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Your home is your refuge.
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What wine goes with Captain Crunch?
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Praying is begging for an unseen deity to alter the laws of nature for someone admittedly unworthy.
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They're only words. You can't be afraid of words that speak the truth, even if it's an unpleasant truth.
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Bowling is not a sport because you have to rent the shoes. When Will Jesus Bring the Pork Chops? This title offends all three major religions, and even vegetarians!
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