Quote

I couldn't commit suicide if my life depended on it.

George Carlin

Change background

T
T
T

Change font

TAGS & TOPICS

George Carlin
Age: 71 †
Born: 1937
Born: May 12
Died: 2008
Died: June 22
Actor
Comedian
Composer
Film Actor
Film Producer
Humorist
Journalist
Manufacturer
Radio Personality
Screenwriter
Stand-Up Comedian
New York City
New York
George Denis Patrick Carlin
Depended
Suicide
Commit
Couldn
Life

More quotes by George Carlin

Image
Everyone smiles in the same language.
George Carlin
Image
The things that matter in this country have been reduced in choice, there are two political parties, there are a handful insurance companies, there are six or seven information centers.. but if you want a bagel there are 23 flavors. Because you have the illusion of choice!
George Carlin
Image
Whereas your blackness, ethnicity, homosexuality is something that might be genetic, I can't touch that, and I have no right.
George Carlin
Image
I should think it takes a fairly low intellect to draw pleasure from the following activity: hitting a ball with a crooked stick. and then walking after it! An then ..hitting it again!
George Carlin
Image
There's a thrill when you steal something in plain view of other people. When you drop a newspaper over a sign and walk away with it, or take something off a wall and the sound of the glue ripping makes people turn around. Your heart is racing, it's a rush.
George Carlin
Image
The older you get, the better you realize you were.
George Carlin
Image
With the proper training, I could've been an evil genius.
George Carlin
Image
I do something about the weather. I stay home.
George Carlin
Image
We're having something a little different this year for Thanksgiving. Instead of a turkey, we're having a swan. You get more stuffing
George Carlin
Image
There is nothing wrong with the planet. The planet is fine ... been here 4 1/2 billion years. We've been here, what, a 100,000 years, maybe 200,000. And we've only been engaged in heavy industry a little over 200 years. 200 years versus 4 1/2 billion. And we have the conceit to think that somehow we're a threat? The planet isn't going away. We are.
George Carlin
Image
The secret of success is doing something you love, doing it well and being recognized for it
George Carlin
Image
Men are from Earth, women are from Earth. Deal with it.
George Carlin
Image
What wine goes with Captain Crunch?
George Carlin
Image
George Washington’s brother, Lawrence, was the Uncle of Our Country.
George Carlin
Image
The Class Clown album was done totally sober. I'd realized what a hell I'd made for myself and I cleaned up completely for three months. You can hear the clarity of my thinking and of my speech on that album.
George Carlin
Image
Republicans have been trying to get people to work for no pay for a long time.
George Carlin
Image
What do dogs do on their day off? Can't lie around – that's their job!
George Carlin
Image
That invisible hand of Adam Smith seems to offer an extended middle finger to an awful lot of people.
George Carlin
Image
Why should it be illegal to sell something that's perfectly legal to give away?
George Carlin
Image
Religion has actually convinced people that there's an invisible man living in the sky.
George Carlin