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I couldn't commit suicide if my life depended on it.
George Carlin
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George Carlin
Age: 71 †
Born: 1937
Born: May 12
Died: 2008
Died: June 22
Actor
Comedian
Composer
Film Actor
Film Producer
Humorist
Journalist
Manufacturer
Radio Personality
Screenwriter
Stand-Up Comedian
New York City
New York
George Denis Patrick Carlin
Commit
Couldn
Life
Depended
Suicide
More quotes by George Carlin
If you have selfish, ignorant citizens, you're gonna get selfish, ignorant leaders.
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If 4 out of 5 people SUFFER from diarrhea…does that mean that 1 enjoys it?
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There are two types of people: One strives to control his environment, the other strives not to let his environment control him. I like to control my environment, because I feel if I have my physical space in order, then I'm free to dream.
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May the forces of evil become confused on the way to your house.
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Hooray for most things!
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No comment is a comment.
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A house is just a place to keep your stuff while you go out and get more stuff.
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Does killing time damage eternity?
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I respect animals. I have more sympathy for an injured or dead animal than I do for an injured or dead human being, because human beings participate and cooperate in their own undoing. Animals are completely innocent. There are no innocent human beings.
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There are an awful lot of things in the cut of street drugs that eventually make you sick. I reached a point where the skin around the edges of my fingernails used to hurt all the time. And it would peel away easily. Now, that must have been from some poison in the cut.
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Soft rock music isn’t rock, and it ain’t music. It’s just soft.
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In terms of coke, the only money I ever thought about was that dollar bill I had stuck up my nose.
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When it comes to bullshit, you have to stand in awe of the all-time champion of false promises and exaggerated claims: religion... Religion easily has the greatest bullshit story ever told. Religion has actually convinced people that there's an invisible man living in the sky who watches everything you do.
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People say life begins at conception, I say life began about a billion years ago and it's a continuous process.
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Life is a series of dogs.
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I love and treasure individuals as I meet them, I loath and despise the groups they identify or belong to.
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We think in language. The quality of our thoughts and ideas can only be as good as the quality of our language.
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Religion has actually convinced people that there's an invisible man living in the sky.
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Most people with low self-esteem have earned it.
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The only good thing ever to come out of religion was the music.
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