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Flowers are one of the few things we buy, bring home, watch die, and we don't ask for our money back.
George Carlin
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George Carlin
Age: 71 †
Born: 1937
Born: May 12
Died: 2008
Died: June 22
Actor
Comedian
Composer
Film Actor
Film Producer
Humorist
Journalist
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Radio Personality
Screenwriter
Stand-Up Comedian
New York City
New York
George Denis Patrick Carlin
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More quotes by George Carlin
Give a man a fish and he will eat for a day. Teach him how to fish, and he will sit in a boat and drink beer all day.
George Carlin
Military cemeteries around the world are packed with brainwashed dead soldiers who were convinced God was on their side. America prays for God to destroy our enemies. Our enemies pray for God to destroy us. Somebody's gonna be disappointed! Somebody's wasting their time! Could it be.. everyone?
George Carlin
Some people have no idea what they're doing, and a lot of them are really good at it.
George Carlin
What I hated most was seeing those priests and brothers getting so much pleasure out of inflicting pain. I wondered what was wrong with them.
George Carlin
It seems to me like a perversion of talent for an artist of any kind to further the corporate structure of America or the personal interests of the morons and thieves who run it.
George Carlin
My father? My father left when I was quite young. Well actually, he was asked to leave. He had trouble metabolizing alcohol.
George Carlin
Everyone should try to scratch their name on the bomb of life.
George Carlin
I couldn't commit suicide if my life depended on it.
George Carlin
Soft rock music isn’t rock, and it ain’t music. It’s just soft.
George Carlin
Irony deals with opposites it has nothing to do with coincidence.
George Carlin
I've never been quarantined. But the more I look around the more I think it might not be a bad idea.
George Carlin
Sometimes when I'm told to use my own discretion, if no one is looking I'll use someone else's. But I always put it back.
George Carlin
A dog has no shame. If he can do it, you can watch.
George Carlin
Some people try to get out of jury duty by lying. You don't have to lie. Tell the judge the truth. Tell him you'd make a terrific juror because you can spot guilty people.
George Carlin
Isn’t it a bit unnerving that doctors call what they do “practice”?
George Carlin
We kind of shape our truths as we speak them. We fashion things to suit the occasion or the person or our own needs in the moment.
George Carlin
Number one, one, one on wonderful WINO.
George Carlin
I don't have hobbies hobbies cost money. Interests are quite free.
George Carlin
If God is all powerful, can He make a stone so big that He Himself can't lift it?
George Carlin
I find that an entertainer is quite content to sit still, and I think an artist always has a little motion, always going somewhere. May not know where it is, but there is some sort of unnamed destination. There is some pulling, some movement. So I just found myself in that category according to my own analysis.
George Carlin
