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Flowers are one of the few things we buy, bring home, watch die, and we don't ask for our money back.

George Carlin

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George Carlin
Age: 71 †
Born: 1937
Born: May 12
Died: 2008
Died: June 22
Actor
Comedian
Composer
Film Actor
Film Producer
Humorist
Journalist
Manufacturer
Radio Personality
Screenwriter
Stand-Up Comedian
New York City
New York
George Denis Patrick Carlin
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Things
Watches
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Bring
Asks
Dies
Money
Home
Flowers

More quotes by George Carlin

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If you have selfish, ignorant citizens, you're gonna get selfish, ignorant leaders.
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There's this man who lives in the sky, and he has ten things he doesn't want you to do, and you'll burn for a long time if you do them. But he loves you.
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If you love someone set them free. If they come back, set them on fire.
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As a matter of principle, I never attend the first annual anything.
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People always tell me Have a nice day. Well what if I don't want to? What if I want to have a crappy day?
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And speaking of sex, the Immaculate Conception does not mean Jesus was conceived in the absence of sex. It means Mary was conceived without Original Sin. That's all it has ever meant. And according to the tabloids, Mary is apparently the only one who can make such a claim. The Jesus thing is called virgin birth.
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With the proper training, I could've been an evil genius.
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Bowling is not a sport because you have to rent the shoes. When Will Jesus Bring the Pork Chops? This title offends all three major religions, and even vegetarians!
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I think there's a little more attention to human needs than to property rights. But I don't think much of political activism. It's so shortsighted. Most people are interested in their own personal comfort. I've said that about environmentalists. I think they care about bike paths and places to park their Volvos, not the planet as an abstraction.
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Fussy eater is a euphemism for big pain in the ass.
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I find that an entertainer is quite content to sit still, and I think an artist always has a little motion, always going somewhere. May not know where it is, but there is some sort of unnamed destination. There is some pulling, some movement. So I just found myself in that category according to my own analysis.
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Being a Dodgers fan led to my first Air Force court-martial, but that's another story.
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I just love it when I hear a little commotion, someone leaving. When I see those doors in the back . . .
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I gravitated toward being a funny guy. I liked the radio comedians. I lived in the Golden Age of radio, and the Golden Age of television came along when I was still in my early teens.
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One philosopher has rightly said that property is theft. But I'd like to use my future ownership of property to give something back.
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You get into your teens, now they can't hold you back. You jump to the next number, or even a few ahead.
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Religion has actually convinced people that there's an invisible man living in the sky.
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Scientists announced today that they have discovered a cure for apathy. However, they claim no one has shown the slightest interest in it.
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Not only do I not know what's going on, I wouldn't know what to do about it if I did.
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Oh Beautiful for smoggy skies, insecticided grain, For strip-mined mountain's majesty above the asphalt plain. America, America, man sheds his waste on thee, And hides the pines with billboard signs, from sea to oily sea.
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