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Flowers are one of the few things we buy, bring home, watch die, and we don't ask for our money back.

George Carlin

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George Carlin
Age: 71 †
Born: 1937
Born: May 12
Died: 2008
Died: June 22
Actor
Comedian
Composer
Film Actor
Film Producer
Humorist
Journalist
Manufacturer
Radio Personality
Screenwriter
Stand-Up Comedian
New York City
New York
George Denis Patrick Carlin
Bring
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Dies
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Flowers
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At best, God can be viewed as nothing more than an uncaring incompetent father-figure
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The rebellious mood of the country during those [60th] years allowed me to plug right back into my old hatreds. I could scream and holler, as I did on the albums, against religion, government, big business - all those assholes and their values. That hatred was very real.
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I think I am, therefore, I am... I think.
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I finally accepted Jesus. not as my personal savior, but as a man I intend to borrow money from.
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You take 5 white guys and you take 5 black guys and put em together for a week and what you won't have is 5 blacks guys talking like, 'Golly gee, we really won that big basketball game' but you will have 5 white guys talking like 'Yo slick, whuzzup...we be shootin hoops and mad playin, slammed those mofos
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If 4 out of 5 people SUFFER from diarrhea…does that mean that 1 enjoys it?
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I respect animals. I have more sympathy for an injured or dead animal than I do for an injured or dead human being, because human beings participate and cooperate in their own undoing. Animals are completely innocent. There are no innocent human beings.
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I did a lot of thinking, and used mental activity to relieve whatever feelings I had. I became very left-brained, and I was good in school. That is, I was a smart kid.
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A dog has no shame. If he can do it, you can watch.
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I'm completely in favor of the separation of Church and State. My idea is that these two institutions screw us up enough on their own, so both of them together is certain death.
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Picture your grandmother in Hell, baking pies... without an oven.
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That invisible hand of Adam Smith seems to offer an extended middle finger to an awful lot of people.
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I have as much authority as the Pope, I just don't have as many people who believe it.
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The status quo sucks.
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No one is ever more him/herself than when they really laugh. Their defenses are down. It's very Zen-like, that moment. They are completely open.
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I don't believe there's any problem in this country, no matter how tough it is, that Americans, when they roll up their sleeves, can't completely ignore.
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One philosopher has rightly said that property is theft. But I'd like to use my future ownership of property to give something back.
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I always wanted and enjoyed sex, but I never put much importance on scoring or having an athletic sex life. I guess I define myself more by my career and my commitment to a relationship than by my ability to have a lot of chicks or achieve ten orgasms in an evening.
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Religion has actually convinced people that there's an invisible man living in the sky.
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I'm 63 now. But that's just 17 Celsius.
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