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Flowers are one of the few things we buy, bring home, watch die, and we don't ask for our money back.

George Carlin

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George Carlin
Age: 71 †
Born: 1937
Born: May 12
Died: 2008
Died: June 22
Actor
Comedian
Composer
Film Actor
Film Producer
Humorist
Journalist
Manufacturer
Radio Personality
Screenwriter
Stand-Up Comedian
New York City
New York
George Denis Patrick Carlin
Asks
Dies
Money
Home
Flowers
Back
Flower
Things
Watches
Watch
Bring

More quotes by George Carlin

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There's this man who lives in the sky, and he has ten things he doesn't want you to do, and you'll burn for a long time if you do them. But he loves you.
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Inside every cynical person, there is a disappointed idealist.
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Every person you look at, you can see the universe in their eyes, if you're really looking
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When it comes to bullshit, you have to stand in awe of the all-time champion of false promises and exaggerated claims: religion... Religion easily has the greatest bullshit story ever told. Religion has actually convinced people that there's an invisible man living in the sky who watches everything you do.
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We spend the early years feeding our brains with information and the latter half trying not to think about it all.
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We think in language. We think in words. Language is the landscape of thought.
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I gravitated toward being a funny guy. I liked the radio comedians. I lived in the Golden Age of radio, and the Golden Age of television came along when I was still in my early teens.
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If the cops didn't see it, I didn't do it!
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It's the old American Double Standard, ya know: Say one thing, do somethin' different. And of course this country is founded on the double standard. That's our history. We were founded on a very basic double standard: This country was founded by slave owners who wanted to be free.
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I went to the Missing Persons Bureau but no one was there.
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Weather forecast for tonight: dark.
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I never joined the Boy Scouts. I don't trust any organization that has a handbook.
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I have this real moron thing I do? It's called thinking.
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Children are not our future, and I can prove it with my usual, flawless logic. Children can't be our future, because by the time the future arrives, they won't be children anymore, so blow me!
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The Human Species could have been great but instead we became satisfied with lights on our tennis shoes.
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I'm sure Hitler was great with his family.
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Religion is just mind control.
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There's an idea that the human body is somehow evil and bad and there are parts of it that are especially evil and bad, and we should be ashamed. Fear, guilt and shame are built into the attitude toward sex and the body. It's reflected in these prohibitions and these taboos that we have.
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If a word is misspelled in the dictionary, how would we ever know? If Webster wrote the first dictionary, where did he find the words? Why is 'phonics' not spelled the way it sounds? How come abbreviated is such a long word?
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My money buys me the freedom not to be a member of the corporate structure. And I certainly don't feel guilty or hypocritical about that. The way our economy is set up, if you don't want to be a corporate moron and you don't want to be enfeebled in the streets, you must earn enough to know that you'll never have to go to them for money.
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