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Flowers are one of the few things we buy, bring home, watch die, and we don't ask for our money back.

George Carlin

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George Carlin
Age: 71 †
Born: 1937
Born: May 12
Died: 2008
Died: June 22
Actor
Comedian
Composer
Film Actor
Film Producer
Humorist
Journalist
Manufacturer
Radio Personality
Screenwriter
Stand-Up Comedian
New York City
New York
George Denis Patrick Carlin
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Things
Watches
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Bring
Asks
Dies
Money
Home
Flowers

More quotes by George Carlin

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So, have a little fun. Soon enough you'll be dead and burning in Hell with the rest of your family.
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When someone is impatient and says, 'I haven't got all day,' I always wonder, How can that be? How can you not have all day?
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There's a thrill when you steal something in plain view of other people. When you drop a newspaper over a sign and walk away with it, or take something off a wall and the sound of the glue ripping makes people turn around. Your heart is racing, it's a rush.
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I say things that can be defined as prayers. But I don't pray to a power or ask an entity to intercede in the earthly scheme, because I don't believe that happens. But if I see a really unfortunate person in the street, I do pray, yes, though I suppose it's really more like a mantra to ease my own sorrow.
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The dividend I get [from my compulsion] is the freedom to be totally disorderly in my dreamworld.
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My mother and her plans for my future. She had it all worked out. I would attend a nice college, then get a job in advertising. You'll be one of those smart-looking fellows in their Madison Avenue suits. And I rebelled against [my mother] and her values and her plans for my future at every opportunity.
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I'm certainly a skeptic. I always quibble with people.
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No comment is a comment.
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There's a humorous side to every situation. The challenge is to find it.
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We talk too much, love too seldom, and hate too often.
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Would a fly without wings be called a walk?
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Lenny Bruce genius was the unique ability to investigate hypocrisy and expose social inequities in a street rap that was really a form of poetry.
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Fussy eater is a euphemism for big pain in the ass.
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If God is all powerful, can He make a stone so big that He Himself can't lift it?
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It is impossible for an abortion clinic to have a waiting list of more than nine months.
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I used to be Irish Catholic. Now I'm an American - you know, you grow.
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I believe you can joke about anything.
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There are an awful lot of things in the cut of street drugs that eventually make you sick. I reached a point where the skin around the edges of my fingernails used to hurt all the time. And it would peel away easily. Now, that must have been from some poison in the cut.
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War is rich old men protecting their property by sending middle class and lower class young men off to die. It always has been.
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The status quo sucks.
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