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Language always gives you away.

George Carlin

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George Carlin
Age: 71 †
Born: 1937
Born: May 12
Died: 2008
Died: June 22
Actor
Comedian
Composer
Film Actor
Film Producer
Humorist
Journalist
Manufacturer
Radio Personality
Screenwriter
Stand-Up Comedian
New York City
New York
George Denis Patrick Carlin
Away
Giving
Always
Gives
Language

More quotes by George Carlin

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Religion has what is EASILY the greatest bullshit story of all time.
George Carlin
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Know my feelings about traffic laws? Cop didn't see it? I didn't do it.
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I couldn't commit suicide if my life depended on it.
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Catholics are against abortions. Catholics are against homosexuals. But, I can't think of anyone who has less abortions than homosexuals!
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Life is not that complicated.
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Here's a phrase that apparently the airlines simply made up: near miss. They say that if 2 planes almost collide, it's a near miss. Bullshit, my friend. It's a near hit! A collision is a near miss. [WHAM! CRUNCH!] Look, they nearly missed! Yes, but not quite.
George Carlin
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The US Army has announced that although it is true they performed mind-destroying drug tests on hundreds of soldiers in the 1960s, none of the victims have been promoted beyond the rank of lieutenant colonel.
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When you're born you get a ticket to the freak show. When you're born in America, you get a front row seat.
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There's a thing about cocaine - when I was doing it secretly, it didn't make me very sociable. I forget how others were, but it made me very inner-directed. So being in a sketch and rehearsing and the hail fellow well met camaraderie and all that stuff, I couldn't fake that or force that. It was painful.
George Carlin
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In the 'bullshit department' a businessman can't hold a candle to a clergyman.
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I simply decided that dope wasn't worth the ritual.
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Dogs and cats get put to sleep hogs and cows get slaughtered.
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You never see a smiling runner.
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Some people have no idea what they're doing, and a lot of them are really good at it.
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If you have a legal problem, guess how you determine whether or not you need a lawyer. You see a lawyer. Isn't that weird?
George Carlin
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I was once dancing with a woman who told me she had a yeast infection so I told her to bake me some bread.
George Carlin
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No comment is a comment.
George Carlin
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Thall shall keep thy religion to thy selves.
George Carlin
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Most people with low self-esteem have earned it.
George Carlin
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I think I am, therefore, I am... I think.
George Carlin