Quote

One time. In 1965. August, for about an hour, I was both fine AND dandy at the same time. But nobody asked me how I was.

George Carlin

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George Carlin
Age: 71 †
Born: 1937
Born: May 12
Died: 2008
Died: June 22
Actor
Comedian
Composer
Film Actor
Film Producer
Humorist
Journalist
Manufacturer
Radio Personality
Screenwriter
Stand-Up Comedian
New York City
New York
George Denis Patrick Carlin
Hour
Asked
Nobody
Fine
Hours
Time
Dandy
August

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I finally accepted Jesus. not as my personal savior, but as a man I intend to borrow money from.
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Life is a zero sum game.
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The secret of success is doing something you love, doing it well and being recognized for it
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Well, if crime fighters fight crime and fire fighters fight fire, what do freedom fighters fight?
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I believe myself to be a worthwhile and inventive performer in my own right. But I'm not in a league with Lenny [Bruce], certainly not in terms of social commentary.
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When I ask how old your toddler is, I don't need to hear '27 months.' 'He's two' will do just fine. He's not a cheese. And I didn't really care in the first place.
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If all the world is a stage, where is the audience sitting?
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If you love someone set them free. If they come back, set them on fire.
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Do you know the nicest thing about looking at pictures of a 1950's baseball park? The only people wearing baseball caps are the players.
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We've learned how to make a living, but not a life. We've added years to life, not life to years.
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I like Florida. Everything is in the 80s. The temperatures, the ages and the IQ's.
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People who ask Can I ask you a question? Didn't really give me a choice, did ya there buddy?
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One of the interesting things about outsidership is that underneath it there's a longing to belong. I just wish the thing I refused to belong to - the species, Western capital culture - was a little more respectable. My one true relaxation is my flotation tank, in which I can either meditate or just drift off.
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My advice: Just keep movin' straight ahead. Every now and then you find yourself in a different place.
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Have you ever noticed that anybody driving slower than you is an idiot, and anyone going faster than you is a maniac?
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I profess no belief in God, which by definition is true, especially if we take the accepted definition of God. But to be an atheist is to also have a belief, and have a system, and I don't know that I like that either.
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No one knows what's next, but everybody does it.
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The status quo sucks.
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Cancer research is a growth industry.
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