Quote

One time. In 1965. August, for about an hour, I was both fine AND dandy at the same time. But nobody asked me how I was.

George Carlin

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George Carlin
Age: 71 †
Born: 1937
Born: May 12
Died: 2008
Died: June 22
Actor
Comedian
Composer
Film Actor
Film Producer
Humorist
Journalist
Manufacturer
Radio Personality
Screenwriter
Stand-Up Comedian
New York City
New York
George Denis Patrick Carlin
Dandy
August
Hour
Asked
Nobody
Fine
Hours
Time

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Baseball begins in the spring, the season of new life. Football begins in the fall, when everything's dying.
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I definitely have a gift for language that is rhythmic and attractive to the ear, and I have interesting [verbal] imagery which I guess is a poetic touch.
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I was a stonehead for 30 years. I'd wake up in the morning and if I couldn't decide whether I wanted a joint or not, I'd smoke a joint to figure it out. And I stayed high all day long.
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People love to admit they have bad handwriting or that they can't do math. And they will readily admit to being awkward: 'I'm such a klutz!' But they will never admit to having a poor sense of humor or being a bad driver.
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When you're born in this world you're given a ticket to the Freak Show. And when you're born in America, you're given a front row seat. And some of us get to sit there with notebooks.
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In Rome, the emperor sat in a special part of the Colosseum called the Caesarian Section.
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It was the typical paranoid experience [to hide coke]. As soon as I knew my hiding place, I thought the whole world knew it. I'd write clues to my hiding places in code, then forget the code and spend the rest of the day looking for my coke.
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All the media and the politicians ever talk about is things that separate us, things that make us different from one another
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In terms of coke, the only money I ever thought about was that dollar bill I had stuck up my nose.
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I used to be Irish Catholic. Now I'm an American - you know, you grow.
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Writing books isn't a drastic departure from writing for the stage.
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One of the more pretentious political self-descriptions is 'Libertarian.' People think it puts them above the fray. It sounds fashionable, and to the uninitiated, faintly dangerous. Actually, it's just one more bullshit political philosophy.
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Your dog thinks you're a god. Your cat thinks the dog's an asshole.
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It's harder to be funny from the position of power.
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At 68 I'm every age I ever was. I always think of that. I'm not just 68. I'm also 55 and 21 and three. Oh especially three.
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Hallucinogens are a value changer...like it or not, it changes your values, it opens up windows (doors of perception.)
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No one ever says, 'It's only a game' when their team is winning.
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By and large, language is a tool for concealing the truth.
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I never take credit for anything, because it's mostly genetic to my way of thinking. Even the need to work hard with some genetic talent you're given - the need to go out and develop it, and push hard to bring it to people.
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If someone loves you and they leave and don't come back, it was never meant to be. If someone loves you and they leave and come back, set them on fire.
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