Quote

One time. In 1965. August, for about an hour, I was both fine AND dandy at the same time. But nobody asked me how I was.

George Carlin

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George Carlin
Age: 71 †
Born: 1937
Born: May 12
Died: 2008
Died: June 22
Actor
Comedian
Composer
Film Actor
Film Producer
Humorist
Journalist
Manufacturer
Radio Personality
Screenwriter
Stand-Up Comedian
New York City
New York
George Denis Patrick Carlin
Time
Dandy
August
Hour
Asked
Nobody
Fine
Hours

More quotes by George Carlin

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We think in language. The quality of our thoughts and ideas can only be as good as the quality of our language.
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Personally, when it comes to rights, I think one of two things is true. I think either we have unlimited rights, or we have no rights at all. Personally I lean towards unlimited rights, I feel for instance I have the right to do anything I please, BUT! If I do something you don't like I think you have the right to kill me.
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Every time you use the phrase all my life it has a different meaning.
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Just think, right now as you read this, some guy somewhere is gettin' ready to hang himself.
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I think we’re part of a greater wisdom that we will ever understand a higher order, call it what you want. Know what I call it? The Big Electron. It doesn’t punish, it doesn’t reward, it doesn’t judge at all. It just is.
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Some people see the glass half full. Others see it half empty. I see a glass that's twice as big as it needs to be.
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Surround yourself with what you love.
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We're having something a little different this year for Thanksgiving. Instead of a turkey, we're having a swan. You get more stuffing
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Know my feelings about traffic laws? Cop didn't see it? I didn't do it.
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I believe you can joke about anything.
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I gravitated toward being a funny guy. I liked the radio comedians. I lived in the Golden Age of radio, and the Golden Age of television came along when I was still in my early teens.
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I'm completely in favor of the separation of Church and State. My idea is that these two institutions screw us up enough on their own, so both of them together is certain death.
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The highly motivated people in society are the ones causing all the trouble. It's not the lazy unmotivated folks sitting in front of a TV eating potato chips who bother anyone.
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I don't believe there's any problem in this country, no matter how tough it is, that Americans, when they roll up their sleeves, can't completely ignore.
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You know who would make an interesting murder-suicide? Madeline Albright and Yanni.
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If God had intended us not to masturbate, He would have made our arms shorter.
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Religion has actually convinced people that there's an invisible man living in the sky.
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And speaking of sex, the Immaculate Conception does not mean Jesus was conceived in the absence of sex. It means Mary was conceived without Original Sin. That's all it has ever meant. And according to the tabloids, Mary is apparently the only one who can make such a claim. The Jesus thing is called virgin birth.
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War is rich old men protecting their property by sending middle class and lower class young men off to die. It always has been.
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May the forces of evil become confused on the way to your house.
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