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Why doesn't Tarzan have a beard

George Carlin

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George Carlin
Age: 71 †
Born: 1937
Born: May 12
Died: 2008
Died: June 22
Actor
Comedian
Composer
Film Actor
Film Producer
Humorist
Journalist
Manufacturer
Radio Personality
Screenwriter
Stand-Up Comedian
New York City
New York
George Denis Patrick Carlin
Beard
Inspiration
Doesn
Tarzan

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I'll bet there aren't too many people hooked on crack who can play the bagpipes.
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The word bipartisan usually means some larger-than-usual deception is being carried out.
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In Hawaii they say, aloha. That's a nice one, It means both hello and good-bye Which just goes to show, if you spend enough time in the sun you don't know whether you're coming or going.
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So, have a little fun. Soon enough you'll be dead and burning in Hell with the rest of your family.
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The only good thing ever to come out of religion was the music.
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Life is a zero sum game.
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Give a man a fish and he will eat for a day. Teach him how to fish, and he will sit in a boat and drink beer all day.
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The ritual was very important to me: cleaning the pot, rolling the pot.
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Somewhere in the world is a doctor who is worse than all other doctors...and someone has an appointment with him in the morning.
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You know what I like about the American form of government? They've worked things out so that you're never far from a 7-Eleven.
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Here's a phrase that apparently the airlines simply made up: near miss. They say that if 2 planes almost collide, it's a near miss. Bullshit, my friend. It's a near hit! A collision is a near miss. [WHAM! CRUNCH!] Look, they nearly missed! Yes, but not quite.
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May the forces of evil become confused on the way to your house.
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Republicans have been trying to get people to work for no pay for a long time.
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I believe you can joke about anything.
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I'm 63 now. But that's just 17 Celsius.
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But then you turn 30. Oooohh, what happened there? Makes you sound like bad milk! He TURNED we had to throw him out. There's no fun now, you're Just a sour-dumpling. What's wrong? What's changed?
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One of the effects it [cocaine] had on my personality - my moods, my behaviors - was that it inhibited me a lot. It kind of took possibilities out of my world, and made the focus of things very narrow.
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One of the more pretentious political self-descriptions is 'Libertarian.' People think it puts them above the fray. It sounds fashionable, and to the uninitiated, faintly dangerous. Actually, it's just one more bullshit political philosophy.
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Nothing rectifies out-of-control market failures like a healthy dose of government intervention and mountains of bureaucracy.
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The Human Species could have been great but instead we became satisfied with lights on our tennis shoes.
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