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Why doesn't Tarzan have a beard

George Carlin

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George Carlin
Age: 71 †
Born: 1937
Born: May 12
Died: 2008
Died: June 22
Actor
Comedian
Composer
Film Actor
Film Producer
Humorist
Journalist
Manufacturer
Radio Personality
Screenwriter
Stand-Up Comedian
New York City
New York
George Denis Patrick Carlin
Doesn
Tarzan
Beard
Inspiration

More quotes by George Carlin

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I believe my first duty is to survive. And I'm not just talking about criminals coming into my home. I once seriously considered getting a gun to protect myself from the police. If I need a weapon to continue living, I'll get one. And I'll use it.
George Carlin
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How is it possible to have a civil war?
George Carlin
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There are battered husbands. Apparently this happens when the woman is real big, the man is very small, and they each drink a quart of whiskey a day.
George Carlin
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We now buy watches primarily for their looks, price, or additional functions. The fact that they tell time seems lost.
George Carlin
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When I first heard the song Don't worry - be happy I realized it was exactly the kind of mindless philosophy that Americans would respond to. It would make a great national anthem along with Me first.
George Carlin
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As far as I'm concerned, humans have not yet come up with a belief that's worth believing.
George Carlin
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I think TV remotes should have a button that allows you to kill the person on the screen.
George Carlin
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Catholics are against abortions. Catholics are against homosexuals. But, I can't think of anyone who has less abortions than homosexuals!
George Carlin
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Why don't sheep shrink when it rains?
George Carlin
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Conservatives say if you don't give the rich more money, they will lose their incentive to invest. As for the poor, they tell us they've lost all incentive because we've given them too much money.
George Carlin
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One tequila, two tequila, three tequila, floor.
George Carlin
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In the 'bullshit department' a businessman can't hold a candle to a clergyman.
George Carlin
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There will be a rain dance Friday night, weather permitting!
George Carlin
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One of the more pretentious political self-descriptions is 'Libertarian.' People think it puts them above the fray. It sounds fashionable, and to the uninitiated, faintly dangerous. Actually, it's just one more bullshit political philosophy.
George Carlin
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Interesting form of murder we come up with: Assassination. We assassinate people who've told us to live together in harmony and try to love one another. Apparently we are not ready to live together.
George Carlin
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I knew a transsexual guy whose only ambition is to eat, drink, and be Mary.
George Carlin
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Never underestimate the power of stupid people in large groups.
George Carlin
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When you're born in this world you're given a ticket to the Freak Show. And when you're born in America, you're given a front row seat. And some of us get to sit there with notebooks.
George Carlin
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So I do have this ambivalence. Obviously I'm against militaries, because of what militaries do. In many ways though, the air force was unmilitary-like. They dropped bombs on people, but...they had a golf course.
George Carlin
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We've learned how to make a living, but not a life. We've added years to life, not life to years.
George Carlin