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What hair color do they put on the driver's licenses of bald men?

George Carlin

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George Carlin
Age: 71 †
Born: 1937
Born: May 12
Died: 2008
Died: June 22
Actor
Comedian
Composer
Film Actor
Film Producer
Humorist
Journalist
Manufacturer
Radio Personality
Screenwriter
Stand-Up Comedian
New York City
New York
George Denis Patrick Carlin
Drivers
Humor
Color
Licenses
Hair
Bald
Funny
Psychics
Men
Driver
Empowerment
License

More quotes by George Carlin

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I was a hip kid. When I saw Bambi it was the midnight show.
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I put a dollar in one of those change machines. Nothing changed.
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Y'ever notice how you never seem to get laid on Thanksgiving? I think it's because all the coats are on the bed.
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Your dog thinks you're a god. Your cat thinks the dog's an asshole.
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Rhetoric paints with a broad brush.
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On Thanksgiving, you realize you're living in a modern world. Millions of turkeys baste themselves in millions of ovens that clean themselves.
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Irony deals with opposites it has nothing to do with coincidence.
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Nothing you see on the Internet is mine unless it comes from one of my albums, books, HBO specials, or appeared on my website.
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Just think, right now as you read this, some guy somewhere is gettin' ready to hang himself.
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Picture your grandmother in Hell, baking pies... without an oven.
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As far as I'm concerned, humans have not yet come up with a belief that's worth believing.
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When it comes to bullshit...bigtime, major league bullshit...you have to stand in awe of the all-time champion of false promises and exaggerated claims...religion.
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All messages from Satan are played forward and are in standard American English.
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Environmentalists changed the word jungle to rain forest, because no one would give them money to save a jungle. Same with swamps and wetlands.
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People say life begins at conception, I say life began about a billion years ago and it's a continuous process.
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Not only do I not know what's going on, I wouldn't know what to do about it if I did.
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I went to George Washington High School for six months before my 16th birthday, when I could legally quit. That was an even worse experience than the Catholic schools. I mean, they were still teaching fractions. But mostly, I played hooky.
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There's this man who lives in the sky, and he has ten things he doesn't want you to do, and you'll burn for a long time if you do them. But he loves you.
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Interesting form of murder we come up with: Assassination. We assassinate people who've told us to live together in harmony and try to love one another. Apparently we are not ready to live together.
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Being a Dodgers fan led to my first Air Force court-martial, but that's another story.
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