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What hair color do they put on the driver's licenses of bald men?

George Carlin

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George Carlin
Age: 71 †
Born: 1937
Born: May 12
Died: 2008
Died: June 22
Actor
Comedian
Composer
Film Actor
Film Producer
Humorist
Journalist
Manufacturer
Radio Personality
Screenwriter
Stand-Up Comedian
New York City
New York
George Denis Patrick Carlin
Empowerment
License
Drivers
Humor
Color
Licenses
Bald
Hair
Psychics
Funny
Driver
Men

More quotes by George Carlin

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I recently bought a book of free verse. For twelve dollars.
George Carlin
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There are an awful lot of things in the cut of street drugs that eventually make you sick. I reached a point where the skin around the edges of my fingernails used to hurt all the time. And it would peel away easily. Now, that must have been from some poison in the cut.
George Carlin
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My mother and her plans for my future. She had it all worked out. I would attend a nice college, then get a job in advertising. You'll be one of those smart-looking fellows in their Madison Avenue suits. And I rebelled against [my mother] and her values and her plans for my future at every opportunity.
George Carlin
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Pacifism is a nice idea but it can get you killed. We're not there yet. Evolution is slow, small pox is fast.
George Carlin
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Beethoven was so hard of hearing, he thought he was a painter.
George Carlin
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The base of evil in the world is religion of any kind
George Carlin
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I call him Governor Bush because that's the only political office he's ever held legally in this country. I don't care where they hang his portrait, I don't care how big his library is. To me, he'll always be Governor Bush. I don't even capitalize his name when I type it anymore.
George Carlin
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The only good thing ever to come out of religion was the music.
George Carlin
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The highly motivated people in society are the ones causing all the trouble. It's not the lazy unmotivated folks sitting in front of a TV eating potato chips who bother anyone.
George Carlin
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Life is a zero sum game.
George Carlin
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The word bipartisan usually means some larger-than-usual deception is being carried out.
George Carlin
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Picture your grandmother in Hell, baking pies... without an oven.
George Carlin
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Does killing time damage eternity?
George Carlin
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If we could just find out who's in charge, we could kill him.
George Carlin
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When it comes to bullshit...bigtime, major league bullshit...you have to stand in awe of the all-time champion of false promises and exaggerated claims...religion.
George Carlin
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Tits always look better in a pink sweater.
George Carlin
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Whenever you see the word cuisine used instead of the word food, be prepared to pay an additional eighty percent.
George Carlin
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Have you ever started a path? No one seems willing to do this. We don't mind using existing paths, but we rarely start new ones. Do it today. Start a path. Even if it doesn't lead anywhere
George Carlin
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The planet is fine. The people are f****d. Because everyone is trying to save the planet. The planet doesn’t need that. The planet will take care of itself. People are selfish. And that's what they're doing is trying to save the planet for themselves to have a nicer place to live.
George Carlin
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Don't confuse my point of view with cynicism. The real cynics are the ones who tell you that everything's gonna be all right.
George Carlin