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What hair color do they put on the driver's licenses of bald men?

George Carlin

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George Carlin
Age: 71 †
Born: 1937
Born: May 12
Died: 2008
Died: June 22
Actor
Comedian
Composer
Film Actor
Film Producer
Humorist
Journalist
Manufacturer
Radio Personality
Screenwriter
Stand-Up Comedian
New York City
New York
George Denis Patrick Carlin
Men
Driver
Empowerment
License
Drivers
Humor
Color
Licenses
Hair
Bald
Funny
Psychics

More quotes by George Carlin

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I say things that can be defined as prayers. But I don't pray to a power or ask an entity to intercede in the earthly scheme, because I don't believe that happens. But if I see a really unfortunate person in the street, I do pray, yes, though I suppose it's really more like a mantra to ease my own sorrow.
George Carlin
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A dog has no shame. If he can do it, you can watch.
George Carlin
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I think we’re part of a greater wisdom that we will ever understand a higher order, call it what you want. Know what I call it? The Big Electron. It doesn’t punish, it doesn’t reward, it doesn’t judge at all. It just is.
George Carlin
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A crazy person doesn't really lose his mind. It just becomes something more entertaining.
George Carlin
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I couldn't commit suicide if my life depended on it.
George Carlin
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Religion is just mind control.
George Carlin
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Why doesn't Tarzan have a beard
George Carlin
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If this is the best God can do, I'm not impressed.
George Carlin
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I'm sure Hitler was great with his family.
George Carlin
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I think self-expression is present at all times, and whether or not you're talking about the outside world or your responses to it depends on the moment and the subject.
George Carlin
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Regarding local residents attempting to ban sex shops from their neighborhoods: You show me a parent who says he's worried about his child's innocence and I'll show you a homeowner trying to maintain equity.
George Carlin
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There was a built-in audience for the rebel in me that had been all along not expressing himself.
George Carlin
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You show me a tropical fruit and I'll show you a cocksucker from Guatemala.
George Carlin
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They're only words. You can't be afraid of words that speak the truth, even if it's an unpleasant truth.
George Carlin
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There are two types of people: One strives to control his environment, the other strives not to let his environment control him. I like to control my environment, because I feel if I have my physical space in order, then I'm free to dream.
George Carlin
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What year did Jesus think it was?
George Carlin
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One of the interesting things about outsidership is that underneath it there's a longing to belong. I just wish the thing I refused to belong to - the species, Western capital culture - was a little more respectable. My one true relaxation is my flotation tank, in which I can either meditate or just drift off.
George Carlin
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The child molester skipped breakfast, but said he'd grab a little something on the way to work.
George Carlin
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Some people see the glass half full. Others see it half empty. I see a glass that's twice as big as it needs to be.
George Carlin
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Have you ever started a path? No one seems willing to do this. We don't mind using existing paths, but we rarely start new ones. Do it today. Start a path. Even if it doesn't lead anywhere
George Carlin