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What hair color do they put on the driver's licenses of bald men?

George Carlin

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George Carlin
Age: 71 †
Born: 1937
Born: May 12
Died: 2008
Died: June 22
Actor
Comedian
Composer
Film Actor
Film Producer
Humorist
Journalist
Manufacturer
Radio Personality
Screenwriter
Stand-Up Comedian
New York City
New York
George Denis Patrick Carlin
Humor
Color
Licenses
Hair
Bald
Funny
Psychics
Men
Driver
Empowerment
License
Drivers

More quotes by George Carlin

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I really haven't seen this many people in one place since they took group photographs of all the criminals and lawbreakers in the Ronald Reagan administration.
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How is it possible to have a civil war?
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Not only do I not know what's going on, I wouldn't know what to do about it if I did.
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The next time a prostitute solicits your business, ask for the clergyman's rate.
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How come when it's us, it's an abortion, and when it's a chicken, it's an omelette? Are we so much better than chickens all of a sudden? When did this happen that we passed chickens in goodness? Name six ways we're better than chickens. See, nobody can do it! You know why? 'Cause chickens are decent people.
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May the forces of evil become confused on the way to your house.
George Carlin
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I don't get all choked up about yellow ribbons and American flags. I see them as symbols, and I leave them to the symbol-minded.
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I don't consider myself a cynic. I think of myself as a skeptic and a realist. But I understand the word cynic has more than one meaning, and I see how I could be seen as cynical. George, you're cynical. Well, you know, they say if you scratch a cynic you find a disappointed idealist. And perhaps the flame still flickers a little, you know
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All the media and the politicians ever talk about is things that separate us, things that make us different from one another
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What occurs as you age is an accumulation of information, data, knowledge, and what I'm going to call the matrix of the mind. There's just a rich, textured, field of information and impressions that have been all networked by the brain.
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Shopping and buying and getting and having comprise the Great American Addiction. No one is immune. When the underclass riots in this country they don't kill policemen and politicians, they steal merchandise. How embarrassing.
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Can placebos cause side effects? If so, are the side effects real?
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The Class Clown album was done totally sober. I'd realized what a hell I'd made for myself and I cleaned up completely for three months. You can hear the clarity of my thinking and of my speech on that album.
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For an entertainer, part of the thing you do is just style. And the coke did help me get into great runs of pure form.
George Carlin
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The status quo sucks.
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I believe myself to be a worthwhile and inventive performer in my own right. [And] I want to be known for what I do best.
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There's this man who lives in the sky, and he has ten things he doesn't want you to do, and you'll burn for a long time if you do them. But he loves you.
George Carlin
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It's harder to be funny from the position of power.
George Carlin
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Put two things together which have never been put together before, and some schmuck will buy it.
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Don't confuse my point of view with cynicism. The real cynics are the ones who tell you that everything's gonna be all right.
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