Quote

Picture your grandmother in Hell, baking pies... without an oven.

George Carlin

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George Carlin
Age: 71 †
Born: 1937
Born: May 12
Died: 2008
Died: June 22
Actor
Comedian
Composer
Film Actor
Film Producer
Humorist
Journalist
Manufacturer
Radio Personality
Screenwriter
Stand-Up Comedian
New York City
New York
George Denis Patrick Carlin
Ovens
Baking
Pie
Grandmother
Picture
Hell
Without
Pies
Oven

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I’m a high-tech low-life. A cutting edge, state-of-the-art bi-coastal multi-tasker and I can give you a gigabyte in a nanosecond!
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Some people have no idea what they're doing, and a lot of them are really good at it.
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We talk too much, love too seldom, and hate too often.
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Just when I discovered the meaning of life, they changed it.
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If this is the best God can do, I'm not impressed.
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One of the first things they teach you in Driver's Ed is where to put your hands on the steering wheel. They tell you put 'em at ten o'clock and two o' clock. Never mind that . I put mine at 9:45 and 2:17. Gives me an extra half hour to get where I'm goin'.
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A house is just a place to keep your stuff while you go out and get more stuff.
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All music is the blues. All of it.
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People get all upset about torture, but when you get right down to it, it's really a pretty good way of finding out something a person doesn't want you to know.
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We have multiplied our possessions, but reduced our values.
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In Hawaii they say, aloha. That's a nice one, It means both hello and good-bye Which just goes to show, if you spend enough time in the sun you don't know whether you're coming or going.
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The secretiveness. The stealth. Those were obviously the aspects of cocaine use I was addicted to.
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A pear is a failed apple.
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More people have been killed in the name of God than for any other reason.
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When someone is impatient and says, 'I haven't got all day,' I always wonder, How can that be? How can you not have all day?
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As far as I'm concerned, humans have not yet come up with a belief that's worth believing.
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