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Results like these [state of the earth] do not belong on the resumé of a supreme being.

George Carlin

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George Carlin
Age: 71 †
Born: 1937
Born: May 12
Died: 2008
Died: June 22
Actor
Comedian
Composer
Film Actor
Film Producer
Humorist
Journalist
Manufacturer
Radio Personality
Screenwriter
Stand-Up Comedian
New York City
New York
George Denis Patrick Carlin
Earth
States
Like
Belong
Supreme
Results
State
Religion

More quotes by George Carlin

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Did you ever look at your watch, and you look away... and you don't know what time it is?
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If a movie is described as a romantic comedy, you can usually find me next door playing pinball.
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I would never want to be a member of a group whose symbol was a guy nailed to two pieces of wood.
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When I listen to those tapes now, the real cocaine shows there's just nothing special about their content.
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First I was a mimic. Practically from the moment I began talking, I did impersonations of the people in my neighborhood - the storekeepers, the policemen, my teachers.
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May the forces of evil become confused on the way to your house.
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Praying is begging for an unseen deity to alter the laws of nature for someone admittedly unworthy.
George Carlin
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If all our national holidays were observed on Wednesdays, we could wind up with nine-day weekends.
George Carlin
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In terms of coke, the only money I ever thought about was that dollar bill I had stuck up my nose.
George Carlin
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It's a keep your fingers crossed business, the entertainment business.
George Carlin
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Inside every cynical person, there is a disappointed idealist.
George Carlin
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No matter how you care to define it, I do not identify with the local group. Planet, species, race, nation, state, religion, party, union, club, association, neighborhood improvement committee I have no interest in any of it. I love and treasure individuals as I meet them, I loathe and despise the groups they identify with and belong to.
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Have you ever wondered why Republicans are so interested in encouraging people to volunteer in their communities? It’s because volunteers work for no pay. Republicans have been trying to get people to work for no pay for a long time.
George Carlin
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People get all upset about torture, but when you get right down to it, it's really a pretty good way of finding out something a person doesn't want you to know.
George Carlin
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We [americans] are not a freedom-loving people in the beautiful, spiritual sense. We have an inspiring Constitution, but we're a hardhearted people.
George Carlin
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If we could just find out who's in charge, we could kill him.
George Carlin
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Some people have no idea what they're doing, and a lot of them are really good at it.
George Carlin
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Every day I break my own personal record for number of days I have been alive.
George Carlin
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If God had intended us not to masturbate, He would have made our arms shorter.
George Carlin
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Military cemeteries around the world are packed with brainwashed dead soldiers who were convinced God was on their side. America prays for God to destroy our enemies. Our enemies pray for God to destroy us. Somebody's gonna be disappointed! Somebody's wasting their time! Could it be.. everyone?
George Carlin