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Results like these [state of the earth] do not belong on the resumé of a supreme being.

George Carlin

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George Carlin
Age: 71 †
Born: 1937
Born: May 12
Died: 2008
Died: June 22
Actor
Comedian
Composer
Film Actor
Film Producer
Humorist
Journalist
Manufacturer
Radio Personality
Screenwriter
Stand-Up Comedian
New York City
New York
George Denis Patrick Carlin
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Supreme
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Earth

More quotes by George Carlin

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I quit school in ninth grade, even though I was good at the studies. I knew I didn't need school for what I wanted.
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Everyone should try to scratch their name on the bomb of life.
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Every time you use the phrase all my life it has a different meaning.
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Personally, when it comes to rights, I think one of two things is true. I think either we have unlimited rights, or we have no rights at all. Personally I lean towards unlimited rights, I feel for instance I have the right to do anything I please, BUT! If I do something you don't like I think you have the right to kill me.
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Whereas your blackness, ethnicity, homosexuality is something that might be genetic, I can't touch that, and I have no right.
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The next time a prostitute solicits your business, ask for the clergyman's rate.
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It's the old American Double Standard, ya know: Say one thing, do somethin' different. And of course this country is founded on the double standard. That's our history. We were founded on a very basic double standard: This country was founded by slave owners who wanted to be free.
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When you think about it, attention-deficit order makes a lot of sense. In this country there isn't a lot worth paying attention to.
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It's legal for men to be floorwalkers and illegal for women to be streetwalkers.
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Cancer research is a growth industry.
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When you're born in this world you're given a ticket to the Freak Show. And when you're born in America, you're given a front row seat. And some of us get to sit there with notebooks.
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Every person you look at, you can see the universe in their eyes, if you're really looking
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Things I wonder about the FBI's list of the Ten Most Wanted criminals: When they catch a guy and he comes off the list, does number eleven automatically move up? And does he see it as a promotion? Does he call his criminal friends and say, I made it, Bruno. I'm finally on the list?
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Lenny Bruce genius was the unique ability to investigate hypocrisy and expose social inequities in a street rap that was really a form of poetry.
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Don't sweat the petty things and don't pet the sweaty things.
George Carlin
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I often warn people: Somewhere along the way, someone is going to tell you, 'There is no I in team.' What you should tell them is, 'Maybe not. But there is an I in independence, individuality and integrity.
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That invisible hand of Adam Smith seems to offer an extended middle finger to an awful lot of people.
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People who see life as anything more than pure entertainment are missing the point.
George Carlin
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When I hear a person talking about political solutions, I know I am not listening to a serious person.
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Traditional American values: Genocide, aggression, conformity, emotional repression, hypocrisy, and the worship of comfort and consumer goods.
George Carlin