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Results like these [state of the earth] do not belong on the resumé of a supreme being.

George Carlin

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George Carlin
Age: 71 †
Born: 1937
Born: May 12
Died: 2008
Died: June 22
Actor
Comedian
Composer
Film Actor
Film Producer
Humorist
Journalist
Manufacturer
Radio Personality
Screenwriter
Stand-Up Comedian
New York City
New York
George Denis Patrick Carlin
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Earth
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More quotes by George Carlin

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It seems to me like a perversion of talent for an artist of any kind to further the corporate structure of America or the personal interests of the morons and thieves who run it.
George Carlin
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I don't get all choked up about yellow ribbons and American flags. I see them as symbols, and I leave them to the symbol-minded.
George Carlin
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Personally, when it comes to rights, I think one of two things is true. I think either we have unlimited rights, or we have no rights at all. Personally I lean towards unlimited rights, I feel for instance I have the right to do anything I please, BUT! If I do something you don't like I think you have the right to kill me.
George Carlin
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A dog has no shame. If he can do it, you can watch.
George Carlin
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Why doesn't Tarzan have a beard
George Carlin
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Sometimes a fireman will go to great strenuous lengths to save a raccoon that's stuck in a drainpipe and then go out on the weekend and kill several of them for amusement.
George Carlin
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You wouldn't know it, from some of the things I've said over the years, but I like people. I do. I like people, but I like them in short bursts. I don't like people for extended periods of time. I'm all right with them for a little while, but once you get up past around... a minute, minute and a half, I gotta get the fuck out of there.
George Carlin
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Never get on an airplane if the pilot is wearing a hat that has more than three pastel colors.
George Carlin
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No one is more himself than the moment when he's laughing at a joke. It's at those moments that people's defenses go down, and that's when you can slip in a good idea.
George Carlin
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George Washington’s brother, Lawrence, was the Uncle of Our Country.
George Carlin
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We kind of shape our truths as we speak them. We fashion things to suit the occasion or the person or our own needs in the moment.
George Carlin
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I never joined the Boy Scouts. I don't trust any organization that has a handbook.
George Carlin
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If all our national holidays were observed on Wednesdays, we could wind up with nine-day weekends.
George Carlin
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The enjoyment has been diminishing. Now, there's no question that it's sort of fun to get high.
George Carlin
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When he got loaded, the human cannonball knew there were not many men of his caliber.
George Carlin
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Rhetoric paints with a broad brush.
George Carlin
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For a long time, I've distinguished between entertainer and performer and entertainer and artist. To me, an entertainer is someone who pleases others, and an artist tries to please himself.
George Carlin
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The caterpillar does all the work, but the butterfly gets all the publicity.
George Carlin
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Traditional American values: Genocide, aggression, conformity, emotional repression, hypocrisy, and the worship of comfort and consumer goods.
George Carlin
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In the doggie dictionary, under bow wow it says, See arf arf.
George Carlin