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Every day I beat my own previous record for the number of consecutive days I’ve stayed alive.

George Carlin

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George Carlin
Age: 71 †
Born: 1937
Born: May 12
Died: 2008
Died: June 22
Actor
Comedian
Composer
Film Actor
Film Producer
Humorist
Journalist
Manufacturer
Radio Personality
Screenwriter
Stand-Up Comedian
New York City
New York
George Denis Patrick Carlin
Record
Number
Records
Numbers
Consecutive
Days
Previous
Alive
Stayed
Every
Beat
Beats

More quotes by George Carlin

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Thall shall keep thy religion to thy selves.
George Carlin
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So I do have this ambivalence. Obviously I'm against militaries, because of what militaries do. In many ways though, the air force was unmilitary-like. They dropped bombs on people, but...they had a golf course.
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It seems to me like a perversion of talent for an artist of any kind to further the corporate structure of America or the personal interests of the morons and thieves who run it.
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If a word is misspelled in the dictionary, how would we ever know? If Webster wrote the first dictionary, where did he find the words? Why is 'phonics' not spelled the way it sounds? How come abbreviated is such a long word?
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Besides the drugs and counterculture, I started talking about myself, which is the first thing you do when you are a writer.
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When you think about it, 12:15 P.M. is actually 11:75 A.M.
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Hitler never bothered with restaurant reservations he just dropped by. And somehow they always found him a table.
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There are women named Faith, Hope, Joy, and Prudence. Why not Despair, Guilt, Rage, and Grief? It seems only right. 'Tom, I'd like you to meet the girl of my dreams, Tragedy.' These days, Trajedi.
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Can placebos cause side effects? If so, are the side effects real?
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I love and treasure individuals as I meet them, I loath and despise the groups they identify or belong to.
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And now gay people want to get married... Haven't they suffered enough?
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Most of the time people feel okay. Probably it's because at the moment they're not actually dying.
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My advice: Just keep movin' straight ahead. Every now and then you find yourself in a different place.
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A house is just a place to keep your stuff while you go out and get more stuff.
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But then you turn 30. Oooohh, what happened there? Makes you sound like bad milk! He TURNED we had to throw him out. There's no fun now, you're Just a sour-dumpling. What's wrong? What's changed?
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Don Ho can sign autographs 3.4 times faster than Efrem Zimbalist Jr.
George Carlin
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Test of Metal: Will of Iron, Nerves of Steel, Heart of Gold, Balls of Brass.
George Carlin
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Never let the brain idle. ‘An idle mind is the devil’s workshop.’ And the devil’s name is Alzheimer’s.
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Isn’t it a bit unnerving that doctors call what they do “practice”?
George Carlin
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Being a Dodgers fan led to my first Air Force court-martial, but that's another story.
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