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Every day I beat my own previous record for the number of consecutive days I’ve stayed alive.
George Carlin
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George Carlin
Age: 71 †
Born: 1937
Born: May 12
Died: 2008
Died: June 22
Actor
Comedian
Composer
Film Actor
Film Producer
Humorist
Journalist
Manufacturer
Radio Personality
Screenwriter
Stand-Up Comedian
New York City
New York
George Denis Patrick Carlin
Days
Previous
Alive
Stayed
Every
Beat
Beats
Record
Number
Records
Numbers
Consecutive
More quotes by George Carlin
The women who line up at a comic's dressing-room door are not what you'd call your class groupies.
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The child molester skipped breakfast, but said he'd grab a little something on the way to work.
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Think of how stupid the average person is, and realize half of them are stupider than that.
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A lot of times when they catch a guy who killed twenty-seven people, they say, He was a loner. Well, of course he was a loner he killed everyone he came in contact with.
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One philosopher has rightly said that property is theft. But I'd like to use my future ownership of property to give something back.
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The enjoyment has been diminishing. Now, there's no question that it's sort of fun to get high.
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The wisest man I ever knew taught me something I never forgot. And although I never forgot it, I never quite memorized it either. So what I’m left with is the memory of having learned something very wise that I can’t quite remember.
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Conservatives say if you don't give the rich more money, they will lose their incentive to invest. As for the poor, they tell us they've lost all incentive because we've given them too much money.
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I recently bought a book of free verse. For twelve dollars.
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There's a thing about cocaine - when I was doing it secretly, it didn't make me very sociable. I forget how others were, but it made me very inner-directed. So being in a sketch and rehearsing and the hail fellow well met camaraderie and all that stuff, I couldn't fake that or force that. It was painful.
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One good reason to only maintain a small circle of friends is that three out of four murders are committed by people who know the victim.
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There are three kinds of people: those who can count, and those who cannot.
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I gravitated toward being a funny guy. I liked the radio comedians. I lived in the Golden Age of radio, and the Golden Age of television came along when I was still in my early teens.
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You know an odd feeling? Sitting on the toilet eating a chocolate candy bar.
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Your home is your refuge.
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Just when I discovered the meaning of life, they changed it.
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The following statement is true. The previous statement is false.
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Did you ever look at your watch, and you look away... and you don't know what time it is?
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I had no shoes, and I felt sorry for myself until I met a man who had no feet. I took his shoes. Now I feel better.
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One thing leads to another? Not always. Sometimes one thing leads to the same thing. Ask an addict.
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