Quote

Every day I beat my own previous record for the number of consecutive days I’ve stayed alive.

George Carlin

Change background

T
T
T

Change font

TAGS & TOPICS

George Carlin
Age: 71 †
Born: 1937
Born: May 12
Died: 2008
Died: June 22
Actor
Comedian
Composer
Film Actor
Film Producer
Humorist
Journalist
Manufacturer
Radio Personality
Screenwriter
Stand-Up Comedian
New York City
New York
George Denis Patrick Carlin
Records
Numbers
Consecutive
Days
Previous
Alive
Stayed
Every
Beat
Beats
Record
Number

More quotes by George Carlin

Image
In comic strips, the person on the left always speaks first.
George Carlin
Image
One of the interesting things about outsidership is that underneath it there's a longing to belong. I just wish the thing I refused to belong to - the species, Western capital culture - was a little more respectable. My one true relaxation is my flotation tank, in which I can either meditate or just drift off.
George Carlin
Image
At best, God can be viewed as nothing more than an uncaring incompetent father-figure
George Carlin
Image
If this is the best God can do, I'm not impressed.
George Carlin
Image
Some people see the glass half full. Others see it half empty. I see a glass that's twice as big as it needs to be.
George Carlin
Image
Religion is just mind control.
George Carlin
Image
Thall shall keep thy religion to thy selves.
George Carlin
Image
You get into your teens, now they can't hold you back. You jump to the next number, or even a few ahead.
George Carlin
Image
The base of evil in the world is religion of any kind
George Carlin
Image
By and large, language is a tool for concealing the truth.
George Carlin
Image
To be intoxicated is to feel sophisticated, but not be able to say it.
George Carlin
Image
My advice: Just keep movin' straight ahead. Every now and then you find yourself in a different place.
George Carlin
Image
Give a man a fish and he will eat for a day. Teach him how to fish, and he will sit in a boat and drink beer all day.
George Carlin
Image
Know my feelings about traffic laws? Cop didn't see it? I didn't do it.
George Carlin
Image
Don't confuse my point of view with cynicism. The real cynics are the ones who tell you that everything's gonna be all right.
George Carlin
Image
Think of how stupid the average person is, and realize half of them are stupider than that.
George Carlin
Image
How can it be a spy satellite if they announce on television that it's a spy satellite?
George Carlin
Image
When you're born you get a ticket to the freak show. When you're born in America, you get a front row seat.
George Carlin
Image
And, of course, the funniest food: kumquats. I don't even bring them home anymore. I sit there laughing and they go to waste.
George Carlin
Image
Religion is a self-conferred intellectual decision it's not something you get at birth and is unchangeable. You're collusive with the religion when you accept it you have a choice.
George Carlin