Quote

Every day I beat my own previous record for the number of consecutive days I’ve stayed alive.

George Carlin

Change background

T
T
T

Change font

TAGS & TOPICS

George Carlin
Age: 71 †
Born: 1937
Born: May 12
Died: 2008
Died: June 22
Actor
Comedian
Composer
Film Actor
Film Producer
Humorist
Journalist
Manufacturer
Radio Personality
Screenwriter
Stand-Up Comedian
New York City
New York
George Denis Patrick Carlin
Numbers
Consecutive
Days
Previous
Alive
Stayed
Every
Beat
Beats
Record
Number
Records

More quotes by George Carlin

Image
The straightest line between a straight distance is two points.
George Carlin
Image
Rhetoric paints with a broad brush.
George Carlin
Image
I'm in favor of personal growth as long as it doesn't include malignant tumors.
George Carlin
Image
People love to admit they have bad handwriting or that they can't do math. And they will readily admit to being awkward: 'I'm such a klutz!' But they will never admit to having a poor sense of humor or being a bad driver.
George Carlin
Image
You show me something that doesn't cause cancer, and I'll show you something that isn't on the market yet.
George Carlin
Image
People who say they don't care what people think are usually desperate to have people think they don't care what people think.
George Carlin
Image
I think the warning labels on alcoholic beverages are too bland. They should be more vivid. Here is one I would suggest: Alcohol will turn you into the same asshole your father was.
George Carlin
Image
I would never want to be a member of a group whose symbol was a guy nailed to two pieces of wood.
George Carlin
Image
One philosopher has rightly said that property is theft. But I'd like to use my future ownership of property to give something back.
George Carlin
Image
I believe you can joke about anything.
George Carlin
Image
I was thinking about how people seem to read the Bible a whole lot more as they get older then it dawned on me . . they’re cramming for their final exam.
George Carlin
Image
Inside every cynical person, there is a disappointed idealist.
George Carlin
Image
Tell people an invisible man in the sky created all things, they believe you. Tell them what you've painted is wet, they have to touch it to believe.
George Carlin
Image
Death is caused by swallowing small amounts of saliva over a long period of time.
George Carlin
Image
You can't fight City Hall, but you can goddamn sure blow it up.
George Carlin
Image
That's why they call it the American Dream, because you have to be asleep to believe it.
George Carlin
Image
I'm completely in favor of the separation of Church and State. My idea is that these two institutions screw us up enough on their own, so both of them together is certain death.
George Carlin
Image
I think self-expression is present at all times, and whether or not you're talking about the outside world or your responses to it depends on the moment and the subject.
George Carlin
Image
There are women named Faith, Hope, Joy, and Prudence. Why not Despair, Guilt, Rage, and Grief? It seems only right. 'Tom, I'd like you to meet the girl of my dreams, Tragedy.' These days, Trajedi.
George Carlin
Image
People always tell me Have a nice day. Well what if I don't want to? What if I want to have a crappy day?
George Carlin