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Every day I beat my own previous record for the number of consecutive days I’ve stayed alive.

George Carlin

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George Carlin
Age: 71 †
Born: 1937
Born: May 12
Died: 2008
Died: June 22
Actor
Comedian
Composer
Film Actor
Film Producer
Humorist
Journalist
Manufacturer
Radio Personality
Screenwriter
Stand-Up Comedian
New York City
New York
George Denis Patrick Carlin
Every
Beat
Beats
Record
Number
Records
Numbers
Consecutive
Days
Previous
Alive
Stayed

More quotes by George Carlin

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I think self-expression is present at all times, and whether or not you're talking about the outside world or your responses to it depends on the moment and the subject.
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I think we overrate ourselves in terms of our abilities and capacities. I mean, just because you can build a really swell bridge doesn't, to my way of thinking, mean that you're an advanced civilization.
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One of the interesting things about outsidership is that underneath it there's a longing to belong. I just wish the thing I refused to belong to - the species, Western capital culture - was a little more respectable. My one true relaxation is my flotation tank, in which I can either meditate or just drift off.
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I have this real moron thing I do? It's called thinking.
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Singing is basically a form of pleasant, controlled screaming.
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There's a thrill when you steal something in plain view of other people. When you drop a newspaper over a sign and walk away with it, or take something off a wall and the sound of the glue ripping makes people turn around. Your heart is racing, it's a rush.
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I have lots of ideas. Trouble is, most of them suck.
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Hey! Who stole my collection of used bandages?! And they also got away with my nude pictures of Ernest Borgnine!
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People have material needs, but you don't need a deodorant for every different day of the week. You don't need four hundred varieties of mustard. This is what I call too many choices. There are too many choices in America.
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Standing ovations have become far too commonplace. What we need are ovations where the audience members all punch and kick one another.
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So I do have this ambivalence. Obviously I'm against militaries, because of what militaries do. In many ways though, the air force was unmilitary-like. They dropped bombs on people, but...they had a golf course.
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Think of how stupid the average person is, and realize half of them are stupider than that.
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I think I am, therefore, I am... I think.
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Traditional American values: Genocide, aggression, conformity, emotional repression, hypocrisy, and the worship of comfort and consumer goods.
George Carlin
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If it's true that our species is alone in the universe, then I'd have to say the universe aimed rather low and settled for very little.
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Regarding local residents attempting to ban sex shops from their neighborhoods: You show me a parent who says he's worried about his child's innocence and I'll show you a homeowner trying to maintain equity.
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Ah, to be a bird. To fly the skies, sing my song, and best of all occasionally peck someone's eyes out.
George Carlin
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If you love someone set them free. If they come back, set them on fire.
George Carlin
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It's harder to be funny from the position of power.
George Carlin
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That invisible hand of Adam Smith seems to offer an extended middle finger to an awful lot of people.
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