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I like Florida. Everything is in the 80s. The temperatures, the ages and the IQ's.

George Carlin

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George Carlin
Age: 71 †
Born: 1937
Born: May 12
Died: 2008
Died: June 22
Actor
Comedian
Composer
Film Actor
Film Producer
Humorist
Journalist
Manufacturer
Radio Personality
Screenwriter
Stand-Up Comedian
New York City
New York
George Denis Patrick Carlin
Ages
Age
Everything
Like
Temperatures
Temperature
Florida

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Beethoven was so hard of hearing, he thought he was a painter.
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Singing is basically a form of pleasant, controlled screaming.
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I finally accepted Jesus. not as my personal savior, but as a man I intend to borrow money from.
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They're only words. You can't be afraid of words that speak the truth, even if it's an unpleasant truth.
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By the age of six or seven, I was already doing voices and faces, making my friends and my mother laugh.
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More people have been killed in the name of God than for any other reason.
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When I ask how old your toddler is, I don't need to hear '27 months.' 'He's two' will do just fine. He's not a cheese. And I didn't really care in the first place.
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I gravitated toward being a funny guy. I liked the radio comedians. I lived in the Golden Age of radio, and the Golden Age of television came along when I was still in my early teens.
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One time. In 1965. August, for about an hour, I was both fine AND dandy at the same time. But nobody asked me how I was.
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Is a vegetarian permitted to eat animal crackers?
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Do you know the nicest thing about looking at pictures of a 1950's baseball park? The only people wearing baseball caps are the players.
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In Rome, the emperor sat in a special part of the Colosseum called the Caesarian Section.
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Hitler never bothered with restaurant reservations he just dropped by. And somehow they always found him a table.
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I quit school in ninth grade, even though I was good at the studies. I knew I didn't need school for what I wanted.
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The enjoyment has been diminishing. Now, there's no question that it's sort of fun to get high.
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When I first heard the song Don't worry - be happy I realized it was exactly the kind of mindless philosophy that Americans would respond to. It would make a great national anthem along with Me first.
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People have material needs, but you don't need a deodorant for every different day of the week. You don't need four hundred varieties of mustard. This is what I call too many choices. There are too many choices in America.
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I don't own a camera, so I travel with a police sketch artist.
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Why do overlook and oversee mean opposite things?
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I don't like the phrase shock value. Surprise is essential in comedy, and if people are shocked by what I consider merely surprising, then that's their shock. But there is no joke without surprise.
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