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I like Florida. Everything is in the 80s. The temperatures, the ages and the IQ's.

George Carlin

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George Carlin
Age: 71 †
Born: 1937
Born: May 12
Died: 2008
Died: June 22
Actor
Comedian
Composer
Film Actor
Film Producer
Humorist
Journalist
Manufacturer
Radio Personality
Screenwriter
Stand-Up Comedian
New York City
New York
George Denis Patrick Carlin
Like
Temperatures
Temperature
Florida
Ages
Age
Everything

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I think TV remotes should have a button that allows you to kill the person on the screen.
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The secretiveness. The stealth. Those were obviously the aspects of cocaine use I was addicted to.
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I profess no belief in God, which by definition is true, especially if we take the accepted definition of God. But to be an atheist is to also have a belief, and have a system, and I don't know that I like that either.
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Thall shall keep thy religion to thy selves.
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I'm not collegial, I don't hang out. I'm soloist, I like my solitude, I don't really hang around with comedians.
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No matter how you care to define it, I do not identify with the local group. Planet, species, race, nation, state, religion, party, union, club, association, neighborhood improvement committee I have no interest in any of it. I love and treasure individuals as I meet them, I loathe and despise the groups they identify with and belong to.
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Anger is a handy term and words are tricky, as we know. What one man perceives as anger, another person - in my case the deliverer of material - is, Don't you see it, don't you see how badly you're doing? It's like shaking a child - which you're not supposed to do.
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Writing is really wonderful art. A lot of this is discovery. A lot of things are lying around waiting to be discovered and that's our job as writers is to just notice them and bring them to life.
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You get into your teens, now they can't hold you back. You jump to the next number, or even a few ahead.
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By the age of six or seven, I was already doing voices and faces, making my friends and my mother laugh.
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What do dogs do on their day off? Can't lie around – that's their job!
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Standing ovations have become far too commonplace. What we need are ovations where the audience members all punch and kick one another.
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When you visualize the recent past, do you see it as being somewhere over on the left?
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Things I wonder about the FBI's list of the Ten Most Wanted criminals: When they catch a guy and he comes off the list, does number eleven automatically move up? And does he see it as a promotion? Does he call his criminal friends and say, I made it, Bruno. I'm finally on the list?
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I believe you can joke about anything.
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I had no shoes, and I felt sorry for myself until I met a man who had no feet. I took his shoes. Now I feel better.
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If it requires a uniform, it's a worthless endeavor.
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I've never been quarantined. But the more I look around the more I think it might not be a bad idea.
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If God is all powerful, can He make a stone so big that He Himself can't lift it?
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Can placebos cause side effects? If so, are the side effects real?
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