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I like Florida. Everything is in the 80s. The temperatures, the ages and the IQ's.

George Carlin

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George Carlin
Age: 71 †
Born: 1937
Born: May 12
Died: 2008
Died: June 22
Actor
Comedian
Composer
Film Actor
Film Producer
Humorist
Journalist
Manufacturer
Radio Personality
Screenwriter
Stand-Up Comedian
New York City
New York
George Denis Patrick Carlin
Age
Everything
Like
Temperatures
Temperature
Florida
Ages

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You never see a smiling runner.
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It's a keep your fingers crossed business, the entertainment business.
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Once the high priests and the traders took over, we were lost as a species.
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If all the world is a stage, where is the audience sitting?
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The dividend I get [from my compulsion] is the freedom to be totally disorderly in my dreamworld.
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I recently bought a book of free verse. For twelve dollars.
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There was about a two-year period at the end of the '60s, when I realized I was in the wrong place and entertaining the wrong people with the wrong material and that I was not being true to myself. I went through a metamorphosis into something more authentic for me, a more authentic stage voice and writing voice.
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Life is not that complicated.
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What hair color do they put on the driver's licenses of bald men?
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Isn’t making a smoking section in a restaurant like making a peeing section in a swimming pool?
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And, of course, the funniest food: kumquats. I don't even bring them home anymore. I sit there laughing and they go to waste.
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I never take credit for anything, because it's mostly genetic to my way of thinking. Even the need to work hard with some genetic talent you're given - the need to go out and develop it, and push hard to bring it to people.
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I don't consider myself a cynic. I think of myself as a skeptic and a realist. But I understand the word cynic has more than one meaning, and I see how I could be seen as cynical. George, you're cynical. Well, you know, they say if you scratch a cynic you find a disappointed idealist. And perhaps the flame still flickers a little, you know
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I have lots of ideas. Trouble is, most of them suck.
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Would a fly without wings be called a walk?
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I have as much authority as the Pope, I just don't have as many people who believe it.
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I think we’re part of a greater wisdom that we will ever understand a higher order, call it what you want. Know what I call it? The Big Electron. It doesn’t punish, it doesn’t reward, it doesn’t judge at all. It just is.
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Give a man a fish and he will eat for a day. Teach him how to fish, and he will sit in a boat and drink beer all day.
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I hope I'm beginning a new cycle of energy and creativity. If so, it'll really be my third career. The first was as a straight comic in the Sixties. The second was as a counterculture performer in the Seventies. The third will be...well, that's for others to judge.
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They [the Reagan Administration] want to put street criminals in jail to make life safer for the business criminals. They're against street crime, providing that street isn't Wall Street.
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