Quote

There is a planet named Pluto, but we don't have one named Goofy. Goofy would be a good name for this planet. It certainly qualifies.

George Carlin

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George Carlin
Age: 71 †
Born: 1937
Born: May 12
Died: 2008
Died: June 22
Actor
Comedian
Composer
Film Actor
Film Producer
Humorist
Journalist
Manufacturer
Radio Personality
Screenwriter
Stand-Up Comedian
New York City
New York
George Denis Patrick Carlin
Good
Named
Would
Planet
Planets
Certainly
Humor
Name
Qualifies
Names
Pluto
Funny
Goofy

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The base of evil in the world is religion of any kind
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The mayfly lives only one day. And sometimes it rains.
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More people have been killed in the name of God than for any other reason.
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Conservatives say if you don't give the rich more money, they will lose their incentive to invest. As for the poor, they tell us they've lost all incentive because we've given them too much money.
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The planet isn't going anywhere. We are.
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Frisbeetarianism is the belief that when you die, your soul goes up on the roof and gets stuck.
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And speaking of sex, the Immaculate Conception does not mean Jesus was conceived in the absence of sex. It means Mary was conceived without Original Sin. That's all it has ever meant. And according to the tabloids, Mary is apparently the only one who can make such a claim. The Jesus thing is called virgin birth.
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Being a Dodgers fan led to my first Air Force court-martial, but that's another story.
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Grass probably helped me as much as it hurt me. Especially as a performer.
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It's harder to be funny from the position of power.
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If work is so terrific, how come they have to pay you to do it?
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Catholic school gave me the tools to reject the very religion they wanted me to have. They taught me how to think for myself and to be independent.
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When I hear a person talking about political solutions, I know I am not listening to a serious person.
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I went to George Washington High School for six months before my 16th birthday, when I could legally quit. That was an even worse experience than the Catholic schools. I mean, they were still teaching fractions. But mostly, I played hooky.
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How can it be a spy satellite if they announce on television that it's a spy satellite?
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One good reason to only maintain a small circle of friends is that three out of four murders are committed by people who know the victim.
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I think self-expression is present at all times, and whether or not you're talking about the outside world or your responses to it depends on the moment and the subject.
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If God had intended us not to masturbate, He would have made our arms shorter.
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