Quote

There is a planet named Pluto, but we don't have one named Goofy. Goofy would be a good name for this planet. It certainly qualifies.

George Carlin

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George Carlin
Age: 71 †
Born: 1937
Born: May 12
Died: 2008
Died: June 22
Actor
Comedian
Composer
Film Actor
Film Producer
Humorist
Journalist
Manufacturer
Radio Personality
Screenwriter
Stand-Up Comedian
New York City
New York
George Denis Patrick Carlin
Names
Pluto
Funny
Goofy
Good
Named
Would
Planet
Planets
Certainly
Humor
Name
Qualifies

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How is it possible to have a civil war?
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Most of the time people feel okay. Probably it's because at the moment they're not actually dying.
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When someone is impatient and says, 'I haven't got all day,' I always wonder, How can that be? How can you not have all day?
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When you think about it, attention-deficit order makes a lot of sense. In this country there isn't a lot worth paying attention to.
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Why should it be illegal to sell something that's perfectly legal to give away?
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Everyone should try to scratch their name on the bomb of life.
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When you visualize the recent past, do you see it as being somewhere over on the left?
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More people have been killed in the name of God than for any other reason.
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If you ask me, we could do with a little less motivation. - The people who are causing all the trouble seem highly motivated to me. - Serial killers, stock swindlers, drug dealers, Christian Republicans.
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And, of course, the funniest food: kumquats. I don't even bring them home anymore. I sit there laughing and they go to waste.
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God bless the homicidal maniacs. They make life worthwhile.
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One tequila, two tequila, three tequila, floor.
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Test of Metal: Will of Iron, Nerves of Steel, Heart of Gold, Balls of Brass.
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I think everyone should treat one another in a Christian manner. I will not, however, be responsible for the consequences.
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You live eighty years, and at best you get about six minutes of pure magic.
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It is said that Indians were sometimes named for the first thing they saw when they were born. Makes you wonder why there aren't more Indians named Hairy Pussy, doesn't it?
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Writing is really wonderful art. A lot of this is discovery. A lot of things are lying around waiting to be discovered and that's our job as writers is to just notice them and bring them to life.
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I put a dollar in one of those change machines. Nothing changed.
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Before they give you a lethal injection, they swab your arm with alcohol. It's true. Well, they don't want you to get an infection, and you can see their point. They don't want some guy go to hell and be sick.
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How old are you? 'I'm four and a half!' You're never thirty-six and a half. You're four and a half, going on five! That's the key.
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