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There is a planet named Pluto, but we don't have one named Goofy. Goofy would be a good name for this planet. It certainly qualifies.
George Carlin
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George Carlin
Age: 71 †
Born: 1937
Born: May 12
Died: 2008
Died: June 22
Actor
Comedian
Composer
Film Actor
Film Producer
Humorist
Journalist
Manufacturer
Radio Personality
Screenwriter
Stand-Up Comedian
New York City
New York
George Denis Patrick Carlin
Would
Planet
Planets
Certainly
Humor
Name
Qualifies
Names
Pluto
Funny
Goofy
Good
Named
More quotes by George Carlin
I thought about how mothers feed their babies with tiny little spoons and forks so I wondered, what do Chinese mothers use? Toothpicks?
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When people asked me, Do you get high to go onstage? I could never understand the question. I mean, I'd been high since eight that morning. Going onstage had nothing to do with it.
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All messages from Satan are played forward and are in standard American English.
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People always tell me Have a nice day. Well what if I don't want to? What if I want to have a crappy day?
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How do you write zero in Roman numerals?
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When people say “clean as a whistle”, they forget that a whistle is full of spit.
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More people have been killed in the name of God than for any other reason.
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President George Bush declared a National Day of Prayer for Peace. This was after he had carefully arranged and started the war.
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I should think it takes a fairly low intellect to draw pleasure from the following activity: hitting a ball with a crooked stick. and then walking after it! An then ..hitting it again!
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When I ask how old your toddler is, I don't need to hear '27 months.' 'He's two' will do just fine. He's not a cheese. And I didn't really care in the first place.
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If one synchronized swimmer drowns, do the rest drown too?
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Thall shall keep thy religion to thy selves.
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If all the world is a stage, where is the audience sitting?
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The New Testament is not new anymore' it's thousands of years old. It's time to start calling it the Less Old Testament.
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How is it possible to have a civil war?
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Don't confuse my point of view with cynicism. The real cynics are the ones who tell you that everything's gonna be all right.
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I say things that can be defined as prayers. But I don't pray to a power or ask an entity to intercede in the earthly scheme, because I don't believe that happens. But if I see a really unfortunate person in the street, I do pray, yes, though I suppose it's really more like a mantra to ease my own sorrow.
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Christian Deodorant: Thou Shalt Not Smell
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If God had intended us not to masturbate, He would have made our arms shorter.
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The very existence of flamethrowers proves that sometime, somewhere, someone said to themselves, You know, I want to set those people over there on fire, but I'm just not close enough to get the job done.
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